"I remain the one you hate I remain the wood you burn Whatever I remain I'm hated for in turn", I love those lines. I guess it's the wording, not exactly sure. Anyway that's what caught my eye. Great wording, and it gives off great imagery and captivates your mind. Keep up the good work toxic, I'm sure you are as beautiful as your work.
This is really good. It flow is good and the rhyming. It sounds like you had no problem coming up with the rhymes, something I have a problem with. The beginning was good because it made me want to dive in and keep on reading, but my fav lines have to be
"I remain hated I remain a locked door Thrown to the cold; Blood spattered floor"
This is very vivid and really shows how the people ignore you and is a really dark and descriptive way of saying nobody likes me. this also felt kinda like a song for some reason, reminded me a lot of the slipknot song "I am Hated". Altogether this was a really descriptive poem, especially those lines i mentioned.
the whole thing up to the last stanza was a bit to simply put, and outright "my life sucks", but not in that heartwrenching harsh emotional sorta way...but the last stanza:
I remain the one you hate I remain the wood you burn Whatever I remain I'm hated for in turn
it makes me think of the witch trials...i remain the wood you burn, not really ABOUT the witch trials, cuz there was no burning done, but more the person is relating themselves to the accused witches...they were accused simply cuz they were ahted by somebody, and so they were killed, and no matter what, they had something that made them a witch,e ven if it was not a reason at all, such as they bake bread on the 6th hour of the sixth day of the week, every sixth week, making it the devil's number, therefore making them a witch...and so that is "whatever (they) remain (they) are hated for in turn"...i don't know if you meant to have that allusion, but i thought it was cool and made the piece which would otherwise be cliché, original
hey im back... did u miss me? lol anyways bout the poem.
theres something mystrious hidden inside but i can't quite put my fingure on it.... but tat jus makes m love it mre /c it keeps me coming ack to it to try a find the hidden message. i havnt been on in a long time an haven't commented on any poems so sry if tis is lacking in info but i'll read more of ur work when i have time and hopefully get ack into my trance that i love to be in when i read ur work.
but i'll leave u with one of my new fa. quotes.
"we all hold inside us a demon waiting to be born, however.... ur demons sall feed my own, and in return i shall be reborn anew..."
This piece is something that most people experience at least once in life. These lines:
"I remain the mat you walk on I remain the bullet in your gun Killing my own beliefs One by one"
They are true. We kill what we believe in to become more like the person we are with wants us to be. But some fight though, and find that one that will treat them right. Others are stuck in this situation with every relationship they are in. But they turn out strong. Keep writing.
Wow that was quite exceptional.... I like the imagery and the flow and the passion...it comsumes me and makes me wish to read more. Hell other than that one typo it was perfect ....amazing flow and I agree that the ending was absolutely great...good write, keep it up.
Wow..this was really really good..your wording was great...the flow was a bit off at some minor points..but then again i could just be reading it at a weird pace..lol
"Whatever I remain I'm hated for in turn"
I liked those lines the best..very powerful ending!!..loved it..Its sucks to feel hated..but not everyone can love you..this poem i can relate to in a lot of ways..the moment i read the title I was drawn to it..it reminded me of a Slipknot song..everything reminds me of them.hehe...anywho nothing you should change!!!..Its perfect the way it is!..keep Up the great work!!!!!!!
Yeah i like this too......... the masked and gloved sounds like they would be people working in a profession and the only ones you feel will pay you attention and mend up physically.....but you still feel left alone with your surroundings and you are crying out for attention from those u love..... hahahaha, i sound like a shrink dont worry im not.....just can relate to this a lot..... i used to be there myself at one time.... I enjoy your work Take care God bless
This one has potential. The repititon works for the idea, but some times it seems a little stilted in places. I really like the image of you being a bullet in someone else's gun, it's a vivid, original depiction. The thing about locked doors is though, someone will eventually show up with a key. Either that or the knowledge of how to pick a lock.
This is a good and strong poem. You can follow it easily if you've been down the same path, or something close to it. Personally, I like this poem, and I hope you write even more just like it, or better. Well, not ones that are depressed or anything, or like...umm...well you get my point. Please continue the good work, my friend.
iight here we are at that place we're we've all grown..at least most of my regulars who i comment. YOu've all grown in some way. lol. This was the most darkest morbid (not really.) but it was dark and morbid thing i've read today. I liked it the flow was good and my fav stanza was:
I remain the mat you walk on I remain the bullet in your gun Killing my own beliefs One by one