Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beloveddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 915
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 795



    Description:
       I categorize it as a mystic poem.

    This one is deeply personal. It is intended more for feel than reason. There is no point to be made. It is more like the collected shots from a photo shoot capturing an encounter with the divine. Each line is a quick glimpse and the next adds a sense of movement. To analyze it is to make it into something different than it is.

    In my mind, who, where and what you "be" is more important that what you believe.

    If you need me to be a believer,
    then I'll be leaving,
    but if you share with me the love,
    I'll hang around forever.

    If you are familiar with the mystic poets, I am hopeful this will ring a recognizable note.

    The first verse is derived from an English translation from the Koran. The last verse is an Arabic lullaby with its translation.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeloveddots
    -------------------------------------------


    We
    Begin
    In
    The
    Name
    Of
    God
    Who
    Is
    Mercy
    And
    Compassion

    Beloved

    Be
    Loved
    Beyond
    Between
    Among
    Divine
    Dance
    Begins
    In
    Eyes

    Beloved

    Step
    High
    Beyond
    Between
    Among
    Divine
    Dancing
    Begun
    With
    Touch

    Beloved

    Two
    Alone
    Naked
    Soul
    Exposed
    Divine
    Dance
    Being
    In
    Presence

    Beloved

    Ishq'
    Allah
    Mabud
    Lillah
    God
    Is
    Love
    Lover
    And

    Beloved




    Submitted on 2006-04-16 14:47:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I found it a little hard to follow the flow with this format. But maybe it is just me.

    I'd like to point out one thing though. The last stanza is not really the translation of the arabic words.
    Which does not detract of its beauty and message though.

    The exact translation of the arabic words:

    Ishq' = Passion
    Maabud = worshipped (not as a verb but adjective)

    The translation would be: The passion of God is worshipped to God.

    I am not familiar with the lullaby though I must admit.

    I also like the fact that u actually translated Allah to God. Because people think that Allah has a muslim connotation although it is the arabic word for God. I think the misunderstanding comes from the fact that the muslim say that the Koran is not to be translated, so they use the arabic word in all languages.
    But Allah is God and at some point if we wanted we could find common ground between all religions.

    Maybe that was ur message in this poem. We fight over misunderstandings, words sometimes. Why not think about, with love? Because love is the definition of the divine.

    I think the best thing in your poems is that they promote love and peace. They all have this soothing effect, it is like ur at peace with urself and the world.
    they have this lake-like quality, the calm and quiet that drive u to think.

    It is like after the passion subsides, remains the calm and that's where u go from. Somehow the fresh calm after the storm.

    I like your title. It is a very smart play on words. Be loved and beloved.

    Thanks for the read and I hope all is well with you.
    Viviane
    | Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      I was not expecting to be moved as I was when I read this. It was so well written. I loved the flow and format. I loved the including of actual texts, it gave it a overall spiritual feel that warmed my soul. I thoroughly enjoyed this.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      this is gorgeous, Chrystine..
    i'm just going to pause for a moment ..

    i love the way
    it
    falls
    all
    down
    the
    page

    like
    a
    slow
    caress

    beloved
    indeed

    ~~
    this is a fave, it goes to my soul.

    love,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-04-16 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this was almost trance-like in effect the way i read this out to myself. my eyes almost blurred reading this hahah! the repetition of certain key words in what i think is called the saccadic (rapid-eye) technique worked really well with this piece. truly, a beautiful message... which reminds me of Rumi in a way... he was a mystic poet, wasn't he?

    yes, i very much enjoyed too. such a spiritual message of love and hope. and very touching and sweet.
    ~patchouli
    | Posted on 2006-04-16 00:00:00 | by jetstream_candy | [ Reply to This ]
      Great and powerful last stanza! You hit the nail right on the head...all those names mean what you say, yet we let our differing opinions and mindsets turn them into war and hate. I also like the reference to the eyes...yeah...the gateways to the soul. The format of it and the way it sucks you in word by word was mesmerizing! I was in a trance reading it! And I think thats presicely how you intended it...cool stuff!
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      You said I didn't need to comment, but I had to send back the reflection of feeling as warm and profound. it's like being
    driven like a Sufi whirling dervish into the spiritual realm..

    it drives right to the center of heart and soul, the naked eye
    through which we see the Divine becomes

    mystic, I love it.. thanks for the sudden exposure.

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    99271

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry