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    dots Submission Name: Herdots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 241
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 668
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1603


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The land burns with wonder unbound,
    So close to the edge of time
    it teeters on the abyss of black sorrow seeping.
    Drinking in wine made from sere grapes
    heavy with sweet reflections,
    I cringe before the moon's crystal streams.

    Heart dissolving in cold ripples
    haunted by yellow blades of light
    hopelessly drifting on shifting sighs, lapped
    by that strange ocean desire. A torpid
    heat swims on lotus blossoms breath,
    baking me baleful, in the nights dark seeming.

    I bear witness to the end in cursed dreams
    a victim of spectral-summer-haunting.
    Love cries lost in the shade of burning-umber-glow.
    Worms writhe beneath fallow soil,
    feasting upon the world's dead.


    she weaves merely by being.
    coming to me an apparition that stuns
    even the landscape's effulgent draperies.
    Lips the purple stain of life, a full ripe
    smear demanding to be taken and savored.

    A redolent heady spice that ignites hunger,
    the taste of her is more than a mortal man may endure.
    Retaining reason no more I dash my ship upon her shore,
    pursuing in frenzy I lose myself within her tangled jungle of enticement.

    So caressed am I in unending coruscations of creation,
    ever higher waves of intoxication,
    building until there is only one light encompassing all of eternity,
    until in the end there is only the purity
    of her.

    Submitted on 2006-04-16 15:56:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Since I've put this on my fave list I thought it only appropriate that I review it too. Now you already know how nit-picky I can be about this sort of thing so let me get it out of the way first. Just a few apostrophes denoting the possessive.
    "heat swims on lotus blossoms breath,
    baking me baleful, in the nights dark seeming"...both blossom's and night's.

    I really like your images in this. You always take great care with your words and these I find especially evocative, the whole first stanza just sets me balancing on the edge of time, afraid to move in case I fall over the brink into the seeping sorrow, .....”I cringe before the moon’s crystal streams” makes me think of perhaps facing truth, especially in light of the “Drinking in wine made
    from sere grapes heavy with sweet reflections,”, and much as I like the first stanza it only gets better, and line after line the second stanza is astounding, each image I find riveting ( gosh, I hate to give you nothing but praise here but really I do think this is your best work by far). So we are on the brink about to plunge into misery as we gaze into the stark face of reality, but even when all seems impossible, we have desire, and hope, for are not the worms feasting on the world’s dead renewing that fallow soil? Now we come to the best part “She weaves merely by being”. That is just the ultimate image, whoever, or whatever “she” is, she is enough in herself, in fact more than enough, she overpowers and completes in such a way that nothing else matters and she is the ultimate aim. That whole verse just speaks to the extremity of feeling. “Lips the purple stain of life, a full ripe
    smear demanding to be taken and savored” This I think is my favourite line, if I had to choose, although it is a very difficult choice. It is wonderful to find and have such passion in, or for life. So anyways, I love this poem and I could go on and on but I won’t--- it just makes me sigh, that’s why. ~chris
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah yes...I was instantly drawn into this one like seeing a tangible story unfold along each line and being played out in my head...I think I even smelled those grapes & the fallow soil. A LoVe forever gone and a void is left behind, this is how it started out for me, and the decay of passion gone bad. (I loved the words you chose to convey this: "abyss," "sere grapes," "the World's dead.") And I see, forgive if I'm wrong, another waiting in the wings for a chance at reconciled love/passion. Like a Black Knight in Shining Armour to rescue this fallen lass. And so a union results and it is enough to light the World, the last 3 stanzas are beautifully written & expressed...
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by metalnymph | [ Reply to This ]

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