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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Hits Still Achedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Aknahlij_d 1
    ASL Info:    17/Male/Loueezy
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 369/516/136
    Words: 218
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1024
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1272



    Description:
       sad little piece, something to be expected from me after an absence.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Hits Still Achedots
    -------------------------------------------


    What would you do if I told you I loved you
    Would you reply with a sigh and whisper "I can't say the same"
    Would you cackle in my face as if it were a game
    Or just take my heart and run

    Getting the point, more and more, I fight back the tears
    'Till they defeat me and stream from my eyes like fountains
    In rivers of silver, I bleed woes and purify the mind
    'Till the nest time I feel I'm not good enough to love

    Tracing your footsteps in my cheast from where you stepped on me
    I wrap my ribs and try to conceal how injured they really are
    I close off and talk only in need
    Because the only one who I want to exchange words with won't speak

    I wonder if it was worth it, staring at the issue
    Grab a napkin and my nose for show
    I want you to know
    I'll get over waht you made me go through

    I have to get up out of this hole, but it seems impossible at my depth
    Cold walls imprison and firewalls silence
    I wouldn't say a word anyway
    I'll never speak again and stay in solemn prayer
    "I'm through, I'm over it", I know it isn't true




    Submitted on 2006-04-16 16:40:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Definately a lot of pain here. My favorite line was definately

    Would you cackle in my face as if it were a game

    I love that word, "cackle". It's underused, and you used it sublimely. Thumbs up my friend, thumbs up.
    | Posted on 2006-05-26 00:00:00 | by Dipsomniac | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah love is [censored]ed up in so many ways. You got to hang in there. And that hole you feel your in is only going to get deeper until you face your fears....(love) and have the stregnth to move on. Great poem. Take care fo yourself.

    ~Christina aka POETRY
    | Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by POETRY | [ Reply to This ]
      how desolate. this is a wonderful piece of writing. just the way you've worded this jumped out at me, i'm not sure how else to describe it and i'm sorry i can't come up with a better comment to do justice to your piece. i hope you know that i really do like it

    thanks for sharing

    -jess
    | Posted on 2006-05-06 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah love is a [censored]. gotta get over it and move on. it sucks concealing ur wounds but sometimes showing weakness is the surest way to get stepped on all over again. good luck dealing with this [censored] man
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      This bits big time! we'v al been through it but yet it always feels like the first hit...
    "Tracing your footsteps in my cheast from where you stepped on me
    I wrap my ribs and try to conceal how injured they really are"
    - i liked this image you create, but personally sometimes i find that once wounds are out in the open they heal better.

    Keep spreading the love
    Nadia*
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by AfricanPrincess | [ Reply to This ]
      I could say cheer up, you'll get over it, yada yada..but it won't really ever help, you'll still feel like crap. Getting your heart crushed into a million pieces hurts like a [censored]. But it is true, we all get over it sooner or later, and though now it seems like you've fallen into a deep dark trench with no way out....later on in life you will. And you will love again, it may takes days, months, or even years...but don't worry, you will.

    ~Kat
    | Posted on 2006-04-16 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      As I read this piece I could feel the pain.
    The anger and the apprehension over love.
    It was very powerful with many strong lines.
    "I wrap my ribs and try to conceal how injured they really are"
    It always feels like someone has stomped on your chest after doesn't it?
    The only thing that makes this hard to read is the little spelling errors and typo's that mar this work.
    If you are not one for reading through your own work...
    just run it through Microsoft word really quickly and it will pick up most of the errors almost effort free.
    It would just make a good work become great.
    Swanne
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]
      Seems like a lot has happened since last time we talked babe. I have no idea who this girl is, or who "Finger Tips" is about. Same girl? This was good. Kinda wish I hadn't read it today, though, as you'll see when you read my PM. Anyway, ttys. Loves.
    Hannah
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]


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