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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Soldier's Goodbyedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dylan fan
    ASL Info:    19/m/mi
    Elite Ratio:    4.9 - 65/47/27
    Words: 290
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 224
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1696



    Description:
       Any criticism, comments welcome. I just want to know what people think.




    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSoldier's Goodbyedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Black devils fly through the misty rain,
    Gray thunder conceals loud screams of pain.
    Laying in the mud I slowly see the blood on me,
    Staring up at the last moon that I will ever see.

    Goodbye Sal, fellow soldier and true friend,
    Wish I could tell you how much you've meant.
    But as I cry for you I watch a cannonball fly,
    It seels our fate, together we will die.

    Goodbye ma and dad, wish I could see you one last time,
    Wish you could cease these awful tears of mine.
    I think of you while the bomb's burst a loud,
    I'll never get the chance to make you proud.

    Goodbye to all my friends in my little town back home,
    Wish I could feel safe there again, here I feel so alone.
    Those precious memories block out the chopper's angry roar,
    Well I'll never get the chance to make any more.

    Goodbye to my love whom I will never meet,
    Without you life is but lonely and incomplete.
    A house of our own and a blue eyed son,
    If I could only have one kiss before my life it is done.

    Goodbye to the blood-soaked mud in which I sadly fell,
    I try to get up, not ready to bid my dreams farewell.
    So long to the guns, the bombs, the cries,
    On this battlefield of hell is no place to die.

    And goodbye to you kings and the petty game you play,
    Wish you could look at the faces of the names you send away.
    I hope one day the greedy people will preach peace instead of war,
    Cause killing our own kind's not what we're born for.






    Submitted on 2006-04-16 19:12:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love this! I think it really captures the pain of being a soldier and it flows really well. I love the stanza about the wife and child he will never have. It shows exactly how devistating war can be. This man will never have a family or live out his life.
    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by shopg80691 | [ Reply to This ]
      Great poem. All i can say is "WOW!!!" Fantastic write. It took me to the battlefield.
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by In the Fire... | [ Reply to This ]
      Ya know, this is very good. It is very well written and expressed and you tell such a sad story of tragedy here. I feel I can relate to this one on a more personal level as my dad was killed in the military. He was only 26. I often wondered about the kind of nightmare he lived everyday fighting in war. The horrible things he saw and the fear he must have felt. You do a really good job with this poem. Every life is precious but when a young man just starting his life, loses it to something like war, it is heartbreaking. Your poem is very powerful and sends a very good message. Very nice work. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this as a rare write, as in it could translate into any period of time. It made me think of a lot of battles men have fought and died in, WWI & II, Korea, Vietnam, and especially people's brothers, sons, and fathers in Iraq. Most of the time when I run across a poem like this, I really don't take the time to read it, but I'm really impressed with this prose. The only thing I see that need improvement are the second and fifth stanzas are a little awkward, but other than that, this is pretty good writing.
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by RumnMoxie | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this was amazing, i loved it, i got a lump im my throught, its sad but this does happen, i totaly agree with what u have written, its going on ma faves,
    thanx for sharing
    kyrenia
    x x x x
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]
      I absolutely loved it! This was wonderfully written. It really did feel like a soldier's goodbye. It is so sad that people have to die because the rich and powerful are unable to put their greedy ways to the side and compromise. Personally I have rhyming issues, but you carried the scheme out perfectly. I really do commend you on a job well done. This is definently going into my favs! ^_~
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by Renada | [ Reply to This ]



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