Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Insomniadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: impassive sky
    ASL Info:    17 / F / CT
    Elite Ratio:    3.65 - 185/190/55
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1128
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 367



    Description:
       My first rhymed poem in some time...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInsomniadots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I wake up late at night
    When dreams fail to take flight
    Can I go outside?
    Where it's cool and wide
    Or stay here in
    Where it's cramped and thin
    Can the stars solve my sleeplessness?
    Can the wind sweep away this mess?
    Or will it take a pill
    To kill the ill
    And send me back to dreaming




    Submitted on 2006-04-16 20:14:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It makes me think of the kind of insomnia where you want to lay down and sleep, but for some reason your body wants to walk for miles. The rhyming is pretty good and you have a great rhythem without sounding like a bad hallmark card. Usually, I'm not one for poems this short, but you've managed to fit everything in without making it feel rushed. This is a very good write, and I shall be adding the to my favs. ^_^
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by RumnMoxie | [ Reply to This ]
      It is nicely rhymed, and just the right length.

    you might rework this a bit...

    'Or stay here in
    Where it's cramped and thin'

    You probably just need to write another poem to send you back to dreaming, rather than take a pill.

    Donn
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    99300

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    X written by homeless
    Forgetting You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Yearn written by saartha
    Ardent written by saartha
    Untitled - 12/12/2017 written by homeless
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    Blank Page written by Chelebel
    Would You... written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Un Lugar Para Siempre written by SavedDragon
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    'Cause You're Mine, I Walk the Line. written by Torie
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sleeping Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Eyes written by homeless
    Untitled: June 24, 2018 written by homeless
    BlackBerry Bushes written by Daniel Barlow
    April 1, 2018 written by homeless
    Hurt written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer of Peaches written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Rough written by saartha
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Jar (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Dreamt written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Moon and Me written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Merge written by saartha
    Untitled - September 19, 2017 written by homeless
    Buried written by MyPeriodical

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry