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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Insomniadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: impassive sky
    ASL Info:    17 / F / CT
    Elite Ratio:    3.65 - 185/190/55
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 275
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 367



    Description:
       My first rhymed poem in some time...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInsomniadots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I wake up late at night
    When dreams fail to take flight
    Can I go outside?
    Where it's cool and wide
    Or stay here in
    Where it's cramped and thin
    Can the stars solve my sleeplessness?
    Can the wind sweep away this mess?
    Or will it take a pill
    To kill the ill
    And send me back to dreaming




    Submitted on 2006-04-16 20:14:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It makes me think of the kind of insomnia where you want to lay down and sleep, but for some reason your body wants to walk for miles. The rhyming is pretty good and you have a great rhythem without sounding like a bad hallmark card. Usually, I'm not one for poems this short, but you've managed to fit everything in without making it feel rushed. This is a very good write, and I shall be adding the to my favs. ^_^
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by RumnMoxie | [ Reply to This ]
      It is nicely rhymed, and just the right length.

    you might rework this a bit...

    'Or stay here in
    Where it's cramped and thin'

    You probably just need to write another poem to send you back to dreaming, rather than take a pill.

    Donn
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]



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