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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Letter for My Loverdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BrokenAngel
    ASL Info:    19/F/MI
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 178/156/47
    Words: 236
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 237
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1520



    Description:
       Anything good on this...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLetter for My Loverdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sometimes I sit down and wonder
    Why I care so much about this world
    And the only thing I can conclude,
    Is that even though my life is torn asunder
    I'm still in love with you.
    You may wonder why I'm writing this letter
    And to tell you the truth, I don't know.
    Maybe it's because I'm hoping,
    That it will make everything better,
    To tell you what's new.
    All too soon I'll be graduating,
    Off to travel the world.
    You'll be alone then, I know.
    But it's proof that we are aging,
    And adding on to what we knew.
    When I leave, your soul will carry me
    Keeping me above the pain inside,
    Keeping me from the need to cry.
    Perhaps after this I'll be able to see,
    The path that for me is true.
    A letter written, a letter unfolded,
    Ready to be placed by your side.
    Will you remember, will you understand
    Now, as you were so far ghosted?
    Will I cross the lines, returning to the taboo?
    With a sigh and a kiss I'll leave you alone.
    I promise I'll return again,
    And when I come home I'll bring you a gift;
    A gift that for everything I've done, will atone,
    While reviving my virtues.
    Goodbye my lover, may your sleep be restful.
    Save me a place by your side,
    For one day, there I will return
    Completing our "Lovers" mural




    Submitted on 2006-04-16 20:54:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a nice written letter it is so in to detail and has a lot of sence, do you write your feelings or your true emotions? I don't both and hope that you are fine because everything I wrote has to do with my life and it looks like you write about yours to. Well this is a great written letter and hope to see more out of you.
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Gmann | [ Reply to This ]
      Uh huh. My brain hurts from too much Sudoku.

    I am scared... and I actually would rather not think about the future at all, because I have no idea what it’s going to be like. Yes, it will come “all too soon.”

    I was very surprised to see that this was a non-rhyming piece, because I don’t think I have ever read a poem of yours that doesn’t. But as I went along, I realized that this piece also does rhyme. It is a very obscure meter and I didn’t pick up on it right away. The only thing that bothers me about that is that there should be one more line at the end to follow the pattern, but oh well.

    I always wonder about your poetry - what it is inspired by. Real life? I assume so with this piece. I wonder who it’s to... This is so honest, and so different from your other work. It’s even got a glimmer of hope at the end! I am guessing that by saying, “Maybe it’s because I’m hoping, That it will make everything better,” you mean that you hope this letter makes him understand the depth of your feelings and allows him to feel the same so he will not forget you when you leave. Or perhaps to relieve yourself of a bit of the burden of leaving a loved one behind.

    It is so great to see something so different from you. I like the straightforwardness - like, “this is a letter from me to you, I love you, remember me, goodbye, I’ll be back.” In much smoother terms with a hint of confusion in your thoughts - unsure of what is to come. Anyway, this was loverly. Though it may need some work here and there, I’ll leave it to someone else to rip it apart, cuz I can’t really think right now. Except...what do you mean by "'Lover's' mural"? Like the place you belong together - compared to a painting...in a way that I cannot describe at the moment? Let me know!

    Dia feliz!

    -Cari
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by prettybaby | [ Reply to This ]
      There's no easy way to describe what I felt when I read this piece. It wasn't a cheery poem, but it wasn't really unhappy either. It was...real. It was a whirlwind of different things that I drew from it. You know that you don't have much time left, and soon you'll be going out to make your own way in the world. You've learned how to cope with every other loss that you'll have to cope with, but you're not exactly sure how to leave him behind. You know that you have to, but you don't want to, so you leave it until last. You try to make it as easy as you can on both of you, but you're not doing so well.

    Admittedly, some of the language was a bit awkward, maybe look through it one more time and make sure you meant to phrase things that way and I'm just retarded or something.

    -sigh- Take care of yourself, and remember I'm always here for you.

    Nessa
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Zabriel | [ Reply to This ]



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