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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Letter after Deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vitoko
    ASL Info:    24/M
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 690/442/104
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Prose/Passion
    Total Views: 1507
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 489



    Description:
       well this lines are from a dead man to her lover and she is suffering for his death .. and so on .. hope you like it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLetter after Deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    All your memories
    will turn into tears.
    Every sigh will remind you
    my farewell.
    And you will cry
    for my absence,
    Your blood will go out
    of your cut hands.
    And there you will get
    raped, and beheaded.
    And shouting my name
    to make yourself feel loved,
    Ignorant of my desire
    for your death
    So that you can
    get back to heaven,
    And we could love each other,
    my angel.




    Submitted on 2006-04-17 11:35:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh my god hw you have changed! you are impressing me so very much right now. i love love love it!
    come by and see me. i miss you.
    this hits so close to home for me. but im the girl. not the guy.
    amazing.
    | Posted on 2006-09-22 00:00:00 | by 2Numb | [ Reply to This ]
      Cool.. i like it a lot. going to add to my favorites. i think the topic was a cool idea and the way you went about it was awesome. a letter from your dead lover... creepy. i loved it!
    Holy xx
    | Posted on 2006-09-12 00:00:00 | by Holy Wood | [ Reply to This ]
      That was so beautiful. It was like a gothic love poem or something, it was wonderful. It could be a little longer, but if you don't want to add on to it, it can also stay as it is. My favorite part is where you say
    "So that you can
    get back to heaven
    And we could love each other,
    my angel."
    That is the perfect ending to this poem. And im adding this to my favorites.

    ~*~katara~*~
    | Posted on 2006-04-30 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
      Victor, really enjoyed this write. I will cite one part in general:
    "And there you will get
    raped, and beheaded.
    And shouting my name
    to make yourself feel loved,
    Ignorant of my desire
    for your death"

    Reminds me of all those people that say "If I ever die, I would want you to go on and be happy without me" - I view this as such a cop-out. If you truly love someone, of course you're going to want them to be happy, but you're also going to want to have them near you, even in death. When in all reality, if that person really loved you, you're death had already caused their death as well.. Call it selfishness or whatever you want, that just the way I see it.

    Overall a very good work, keep up the excellent work.
    | Posted on 2006-04-23 00:00:00 | by Vampirism | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really a deep and interesting write Vic
    I dont agree with the point you were making though
    I dont understand why the woman has to be raped and beheaded to get to heaven I find this a little disturbing
    Can you explain this to me
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice flow with this poem and i really liked the following

    "And shouting my name
    to make yourself feel loved,
    Ignorant of my desire
    for your death"

    you left me wanting more
    great read
    chris
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by ROSHAY9992000 | [ Reply to This ]
      A differant perspective, unique and thoughtprovoking. However I disagree with the flow, contrary to your previous commenter. I found it somewhat hard to "flow" with the piece. I liked your word usage and especially the stanza mentioned by the previous commenter. I found that line very powerful.

    your friend
    ben
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      Alright, you lost me with the part about rape and beheading. I really think that was not needed, sense some of your readers are women. I think that this is one poem, that I doubt could be saved. Victor, I really hope you go out of your comfort zone and write poems that are not always dark about misery and lost love. I feel like all your poems have the same feel but worded differently. Try to expand and write about other themes and topics. And please stay away from poems that condone cruelty to women if you have and seek female readers.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...really great piece..the imagery and feeling was perfect...it left me with the feeling of wanting to read more..the flow was great...and you have a way with words my dear...

    "And you will cry
    for my absence,
    Your blood will go out
    of your cut hands."

    Those were my fav. lines..they just seemed emotional..and carried a lot of feeling...although i don't understand why someone would want their lover to mourn for them when they are dead...only because then the lover will be sad..and their life won't be good or happy anymore..anywho i really enjoyed this poem..keep up the great work!!!

    Lucy ^_^
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this alot, its kinda scary and weird but i do like it. its very image provoking and i really can't find anything wrong with it except shouldn't it be of my farewell not just my farewell?? and i think that be raped would sound better than get... any way thats all i could find good job
    Vynom
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very unique. You claim that the one you speak of loves you greatly. Even if you abandon her she will look to your name or your memory for comfort. That is interesting, because generally people write from the other point of view, from the vulnerable side of things not the aggressor side. That's why this really stuck out in my mind. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by Cai | [ Reply to This ]


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