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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: why??dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ROSHAY9992000
    ASL Info:    22/m/fl
    Elite Ratio:    3.18 - 16/12/12
    Words: 234
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1098
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1238



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswhy??dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why must this happen
    All over again
    I thought my agony was in the past
    But once again it comes on fast
    Striking me with a swift blow
    screaming pain witin my walls
    The walls of me, of my soul
    There being raped and tormented now
    Why cant they chose to leave me alone
    I just wanted to live life
    But the past comes to me
    engulfs me in to the pain, I want out
    I need something to end this quick
    I see the razor, shinning so bright
    Damaging thoughts race through my mind Within a seconds notice, I look down
    My wrists are slit, blood pours out
    No more past demons will hurt me now
    As i slip down and await me death
    I start thinking what life could be
    Had it not been so decietfully
    I start going numb, from the loss of blood
    I see my life flash in my head
    i see smiles ,laughs and tears of joy
    Now knowing what i have done
    I let myself down by doing this
    No energy now to stop the cuts
    FUCK, SHIT why didn't I think
    My past was the past,
    it should have been forgotten
    Now the only thing lost, is this mans life




    Submitted on 2006-04-17 12:16:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      There was alot of emotion in this write, and the subject itself wasn't that original but some of your wording was. I dunno, personally I don't mind swearing in a poem but the whole capital letters to express emphisis was a bit much;) I like what you expressed at the ending though, most people (and yes I'm guilty of this too) when the write this kind of work will end it with that being the best solution or for the best so you had your own twist to it. overall good write, I'll be reading some more of your work then,
    peace.
    -jess
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      There is an Incredible amount of emotion in this write just as Jess said
    I was with you every word
    I felt like I was in the room with you paralyized unable to help
    You really wrote this well
    I liked the ending
    But would have hoped you showed that the suicide didnt happen
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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