cliche by dismentled

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: cliche dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	dismentled
ASL Info:	24/M/"South of Heaven"
Elite Ratio:	4.11 - 619/553/204
Words:	200

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	248
Average Vote:	4.3333
Bytes:	1453

Description:

cliche

-------------------------------------------

Do you know?...

What it's like
wanting to die?
waking to past
screams and crys
so beautiful out
yet raining inside
so cliché...;
so right

You think you know how I feel?
You think you know how I deal?
You think you know me?
You don't even know yourself!
You think you're better;
You can handle these things
Spend a day in my shoes
Than get back to me!

Have you ever
hated yourself
but felt yourself better
than everyone else
wanting to carve
up a masterpiece
on your arm
bleeding yourself free

finding your heart
in a sea of black
feelings so cold
wretched and mad
finding your soul's
like reaching a star
a dream to behold
so close, but afar

looking in the mirror
to watch yourself die
so much more
behind those eyes
but the world
thinks it knows
whom you are
from what you show

what you wear,
color of your skin
on your sleeve
reading "no religion"

as we are the
company we keep
but when all alone
are we nobody? nothing?
you think you know
what it's like to be?
take these shoes;
tommorow, be me

Submitted on 2006-04-17 13:51:31 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  yo dis is mad tight.

finding your heart
in a sea of black
feelings so cold
wretched and mad
finding your soul's
like reaching a star
a dream to behold
so close, but afar

| Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by Anti-Emo | [ Reply to This ]
  Very dark, brooding. Excellent ending line. And I liked the way you expressed such complex emotions/thoughts with such simple, honest language. Overall, this was a powerful piece.
| Posted on 2006-05-22 00:00:00 | by Simply_Enchante | [ Reply to This ]
  This is an excellent job of expressing yourself, quite a talent. It yields emotions which are for the most part strange to me. I welcome an invitation to take your shoes... I had a friend once who must have felt like that. He bottled it up so no one had a clue what he was going through. He'd call me once in a while and I could tell something was wrong, but couldn't pin anything down. He never truly offered his own shoes to me.

I didn't learn enough to help him until it was much too late. "Means to an End" is a tribute, written as a survivor having to live with guilt. (Sorry, consider it an extension of my current feelings.)

Scream loud and often, if that's what it takes to wake up the rest of "humanity". But, by all means everyone, if you're in that bottomless pit of despair so quaintly referred to as depression, express youself but also seek whatever professional help you can and take the meds. There's no way but up from there.

So stay with us always, dark poet, and continue to write that which the rest of us cannot, so we might have your visions of torment and yet pray that all of us together can someday transgress such boundaries to find the truth of where our poetic souls ultimately be. Thanks.
| Posted on 2006-05-22 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
  screw the critiquing.. that was amazing.. dont cut yourself.. please? its more fun to throw stuff anyway. cut up a stuffed animal. not yourself. alright man?

<3 -peace.
| Posted on 2006-05-20 00:00:00 | by thehappyfaery | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. You included so many things Imyself have thought inside my own head.

This:

Have you ever
hated yourself
but felt yourself better
than everyone else

I know what you mean. I have felt this way, not in an arrogant sense though....but it is like you do not think you are much but you think are different than everyone around you, almost like an alien or new type of human being. You think no one undertsands you because they cannot because they are not one of you.....wow.

I really like this poem, definately a fav selection, thank you for sharing it and also thank you for your comment on my work.
| Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by Suffer Well | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked this one, twas awesome description and emotion, yeah I can definatly say yes to a fair amount of the rhtorical questions in this one. I can relate extremely easily to this one and I'm sure there are many people that could, and at the same time there are many ppl that couldn't so it just depends on the reader. interesting title as well, I can honestly say I expected something a little different.
awesome stuff,
-peace
~jess~
| Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  I love this poem...especially those two parts
"Have you ever
hated yourself
but felt yourself better
than everyone else
wanting to carve
up a masterpiece
on your arm
bleeding yourself free"
This one because I feel like I can totally relate to it...feeling above the others, yet hating yourself so much you cannot bear to see the sight of yourself...
And then this part

"finding your heart
in a sea of black
feelings so cold
wretched and mad
finding your soul's
like reaching a star
a dream to behold
so close, but afar"
great imagery, really stricking...it makes you want to read the poem over and over again...

Ally
| Posted on 2006-06-20 00:00:00 | by Ligeia83 | [ Reply to This ]
  wow! I really liked this one and I liked your metaphor usage. I think it's one a few ppl can relate to as well. nice work:)
| Posted on 2006-06-19 00:00:00 | by Mr. Creep | [ Reply to This ]
  Aww I love that.
I want to say I can relate, but I know I could never relate completely. I understand what you mean, but I'm not you. But I love the way you describe it... with all the questions and stuff.

I'm not sure why, but my favorite part is:

"so beautiful out
yet raining inside
so cliché...;
so right"

I love that. Hey... Do I hear Bon jovi? lol
Ohh I think its the commercial. Hah Anyway...

I can give you nothing but compliments, deary.
Very beautifully done

-nikkki
| Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
  Very interesting to say the least! Carve a masterpiece in your arm. Nice usage of metaphors. I liked the poem's rhythm. Not my kind of content, but an interesting read.
| Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Candyman | [ Reply to This ]
  Yes, I can say yes to alot of these questions, but no, I don't know you. I always have hated myself because of things that I blame myself for. I can relate to this poem more than you may ever know. It was very nice

*Toxic*
| Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  I loved this poem. So heartfelt and emotional. You really let people feel what your feeling. I feel the same wy that people think they know you just because they get a little glimpse of what your life and they think they know who you are. Everything about the poem is perfect. You are a very talented writer.
| Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow! This piece is amazing! While I was reading this I could feel "so cold and drenched". And I can see myself in the mirror "watching me die". Very imteresting piece. I like it well.

finding your soul's
like reaching a star
a dream to behold
so close, but afar

^ That is my favorite part of this piece. Finding something out of reach is hard. Fantastic lines and beautiful imagery. It's going to be added to my favorites!

Much love
Missy
| Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by BabyMissy | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

99389

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]