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    dots Submission Name: Divorce From Lifedots

    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1047
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 540

       I'm a male trying something new and looking at it from a woman's eyes and what lovely eyes they have

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDivorce From Lifedots

    Iíve been faking with my Life.
    I am its uncontent wife.
    I beckon to its every duty.
    You wonder why I walk around so moody.
    Life doesnít treat us right.
    It shows us happiness then smothers out the light.
    Life beats me down until I cry.
    It makes me hate to even try.
    It leaves me unsatisfied and wanting more.
    Life never listens to my complaints it only shuts the door.
    I want out of this relationship with Life.
    Even if it means paying the ultimate price.

    Submitted on 2004-01-21 23:17:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      sad, but really good. but I have to agree with fairchildglueclue, the rhyme is a bit forced sometimes.
    | Posted on 2004-01-22 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      keep to your rhythem, a little basic, maybe try replacing some words with the use of a thesaresus to brighten it up a bit other than that nice topic, good luck with more writes
    | Posted on 2004-01-22 00:00:00 | by brokenbatman | [ Reply to This ]
      If this from the perspective of someone you know or women in general?

    I liked this line - It shows us happiness then smothers out the light.
    | Posted on 2004-01-22 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      a little dark, suicidal maybe?hopefully just on paper anyways. nice ryhme and rythm
    | Posted on 2004-01-22 00:00:00 | by love gone wrong | [ Reply to This ]

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