Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: God Must Love Musiciansdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CleoCollier
    ASL Info:    40/F/South
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 83/84/26
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 785
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1048



    Description:
       Well, I said i was thinking about a companion piece to "sing to me-guitar man" by Epiphany. Dark side of musicians. So this is intended as such, and sort of jokingly. No harsh vibes meant...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGod Must Love Musiciansdots
    -------------------------------------------


    God Must Love Musicians
    (cause they get all the babes)


    Introducing ME,
    in all my grandeur and glory
    Maverick, romantic, semantic master
    Bard, free spirit, live hard and faster
    My body says "rebel" and my brain says "plastered"
    I got a woman, kinda whorey
    Hold on, hafta pee....

    "Who's that, you LOSER?
    Who you blabbin' to, sponge?
    My liver's the size of a Detroit wharf rat,
    Squirtin' out bastard younguns made me so fat,
    Don't even know which prison my jailbird son's at"
    (Goes back to sraping bong scunge)
    "Pathetic user"

    Yeah, God's sure blessed me
    with a wonderful song to sing,
    a hangover sunrise and bike outta gas,
    a gal with a personality like broken glass,
    so many mood swings they blow out my ass.
    A harshed out vibe-that's what I bring
    Like, man, totally.





    Submitted on 2006-04-17 14:40:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "Yeah, God's sure blessed me
    with a wonderful song to sing,
    a hangover sunrise and bike outta gas,
    a gal with a personality like broken glass,
    so many mood swings they blow out my ass.
    A harshed out vibe-that's what I bring
    Like, man, totally."


    Sounds as if every 60's hippy love child became a disillusioned, misanthropic knuckle-dragger marinating in booze and bad karma. You've definitely exposed the dark side of the industry (somewhere between the urinal and the alley) and dragged it onstage to belch a tune to the middle aged masses.

    BTW, what does "goes back to sraping bong scunge" mean? I have an idea, but it may need clarification ('scraping bong scum,' 'raping pond scum,' 'fat,slovenly and dumb'...???). Nothing harsh about this write, it hits every point hard and fast. My nitpickery scale is at zero. Well done. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to say that this peice was the best *wipes tears of laughter from eyes* I liked how you described everything and what was even more funny was the fact you sounded like my mom when she describes the business. She was a groupie for like ever. and now she is waaayyy out there if you catch my drift. I read this to her and she said it was compleatly true in all its drugged up glory, I tip my hat to you my friend it takes talent to write some thing like this and make it sound funny but not to harsh.
    love and light
    Archer
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Archer | [ Reply to This ]
      Man, this is extremely well crafted.
    Witty and cynical, with more good lines than a cocaine dealer.

    I cant fault it, and I'm very pleased to see youw riting this well!

    BRAVO!

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hell of a write! In S1L3, I suggest “Bard, free spirit, live harder, faster!” In S2, the phrase in parentheses doesn’t really work well. It interrupts the 1st-person spontaneous tone for a sudden 3rd.-person description. The jump breaks the mood.
    Overall, I did enjoy this, and thought it was very witty.
    fred
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
      Heh, heh, heh...man...you've got one heck of a way to twist a funny write out of a lot of truths about musicians, HA! This was kind of like watching one of those VH1 Behind the Music shows and how they show most musicians are so F'd up that they are "cool". But then...ya look at The Osbournes and how Ozzys life is now and you see a classic case of how great being a "geriatric rebel" is. HA! HA!
    Good write Felicia!
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    99404

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry