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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: thoughtdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: deadlydarkdevil
    Elite Ratio:    5.35 - 241/173/40
    Words: 218
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 625
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1538



    Description:
       finally wrtoe something new. need comments, plz


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthoughtdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Thoughts floating round
    Like grey wisps in air
    Can't catch them from the ground
    But you try to see what's there
    Is that the time you-
    But wait, no
    A memory floats through
    From so long ago
    You try to see it
    But you just can't hold on
    It floats on by
    And soon it's gone
    Focus! Focus!
    comes your cry from within
    This is such bogus
    You won't be able to win
    Frustration swells
    As you look to the sky
    Do you hear bells?
    Another thought passes by
    They chime and ring
    But are you sure they're there?
    Can't hold on to a thing
    Where did they go? Where?
    They swirl and swirl
    Your thoughts so deep
    Meanwhile you twirl
    Try to find one to keep
    That one! or that one!
    or this one-there!
    But no, they're gone
    You've gotten nowhere
    They fly around
    Just out of your reach
    Get off the ground
    and listen to teach
    Relax your body
    Let your thoughts whirl
    The books, the party
    The homework, the squirrell
    And suddenly
    A thought alights
    You'll write this down!
    Just share your plight!
    Grey wisps
    floating on air
    the whole time
    it had been there
    The thought you searched for
    One yet unformed
    Don't need any more
    And so calms the storm





    Submitted on 2004-05-07 15:22:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love this piece and it's kool because this morning I was sitting outside at dawn & I always see things other people don't and in the mist I was thinking something much along these lines - great creative visual presentation and it was fun to read but provokes thought...like that a lot! Good job! Love, Peace, Joy!!!
    | Posted on 2004-05-07 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a very good expanzion of your idea, the search for something in the mass of "Grey wisps" that coalesce into a screen, blocking the patterns from forming, sending thought into a wirlwind
    "They swirl and swirl
    Your thoughts so deep
    Meanwhile you twirl
    Try to find one to keep"
    I like this piece, but as always, I have to say, don't force yourself into a rhyme sceme, it feels like a couple words were forced, but overall, very nicely done ice.
    | Posted on 2004-05-10 00:00:00 | by legalinsane | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was quite good. Had a sense of inticipation. I thought you did well with thte flow of the poe, gave the reader a jump, and made them feel the thoughts that flowed in and out of their heads. I really liked how you showed how we love to share our thoughts. Well in to sum it up I just like to tell that I like this poem a lot.

    Julian
    | Posted on 2004-06-10 00:00:00 | by Nashataku | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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