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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Jilteddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: unREMb
    Elite Ratio:    5.58 - 86/58/11
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 699
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 489



    Description:
       Something I've written many years ago, when I'm battling my own depression. It had helped me regain control of my life. I've never changed a bit of it, nor have I ever shown anyone this poem. I'd like to hear all thoughts about it... no matter good or bad. Thanks in advance!

    Oh... By the way, who (or what) do you think was "Jilted" here? ;)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJilteddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Out of the mad ravings of a prophet
    no future was ever made.

    Out of the cold death of yesterday
    no life will live.

    Life exists not in the thralls of yesterday,
    nor with the seduction of tomorrow,

    Yet all humanity suffers from this obsession
    over the unchangeable, and the unknowable,

    While the forgotten passes by,
    with its own death-like pace,

    Unseen. Untouched. Unembraced.




    Submitted on 2006-04-18 01:31:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well, no help from David or Swanne on the subject matter, a puzzle to be sure.

    so, I'm thinking...
    Love, Death, After Life, God, Fear, Physical apperance, remembrance, etc.

    But Christians would say that their future was made by the ravings of their mad prophet, Jesus.

    But often times, when I'm alone, I listen to one of my favorite songs, by the great Peggy Lee...
    "Is that all there is?"

    So, I'll go with the Past and the Future.

    Donn

    p.s. If I knew anything about poetry, and I don't, I'd say that David Hirt knows what he's talking about.
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the third couplet could use a bit of work, if only to add to the sense of the poem as a completed work.
    If you look at your first to, you invert your syntax to add a certain feel tot he poem. The same inversion can be used in the third stanza before the volte, or change, in the fourth.
    "Out of the mad ravings of a prophet
    no future was ever made.

    Out of the cold death of yesterday
    no life will live.

    Not in the thralls of yesterday,
    nor with the seduction of tomorrow does life exist."

    Do you see what I'm saying? How you carry through not only your verbal message but also a stylistic, artistic quality?
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]
      I am glad that you felt you could share this poem here.
    It shows how this site helps people grow and open up and heal. I do not agree with David Hirt, the poem style and wording is fine. It doesn't need to sound more colorful. This is one of your best poems I have read. It is smart. It shows the selfishness of humanity. How we yearn for more and more and forget how much we already have. There is nothing I would change about this poem.

    Swanne
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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