Description: Something I've written many years ago, when I'm battling my own depression. It had helped me regain control of my life. I've never changed a bit of it, nor have I ever shown anyone this poem. I'd like to hear all thoughts about it... no matter good or bad. Thanks in advance!
Oh... By the way, who (or what) do you think was "Jilted" here? ;)
I think the third couplet could use a bit of work, if only to add to the sense of the poem as a completed work. If you look at your first to, you invert your syntax to add a certain feel tot he poem. The same inversion can be used in the third stanza before the volte, or change, in the fourth. "Out of the mad ravings of a prophet no future was ever made.
Out of the cold death of yesterday no life will live.
Not in the thralls of yesterday, nor with the seduction of tomorrow does life exist."
Do you see what I'm saying? How you carry through not only your verbal message but also a stylistic, artistic quality?
I am glad that you felt you could share this poem here. It shows how this site helps people grow and open up and heal. I do not agree with David Hirt, the poem style and wording is fine. It doesn't need to sound more colorful. This is one of your best poems I have read. It is smart. It shows the selfishness of humanity. How we yearn for more and more and forget how much we already have. There is nothing I would change about this poem.