[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: I Wonderdots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 589
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 764

        I don't know... My writing sucks ass lately...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Wonderdots

    I wonder, do you ever think about me,
    When you close your eyes?
    Do you remember how it used to be
    Before you chose to let us die?

    I wonder, do you ever dream about me,
    And wake with my name on your lips?
    Do you fantasize about the curves of my body,
    That strange new sway to my hips?

    I wonder, when you're looking at my face,
    Do you see all the things you've lost?
    Do you think of the decisions you've made?
    Does the good outweigh the costs?

    I wonder, do you know that you still love me,
    Do you believe it was that easy to let go?
    Do you really think that we're over,
    It's something I would truly like to know.

    Submitted on 2006-04-18 07:55:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      All the questions!Sweetie they'v been running through my mind too> I like the why you've depicted it by your use of repitition.
    "I wonder, do you ever dream about me,
    And wake with my name on your lips?
    Do you fantasize about the curves of my body,
    That strange new sway to my hips?"
    ...I liked this stanza alot!

    Keep spreading the love
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by AfricanPrincess | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. One one hand, it's a lonely reflection, but there's this transferance of responsibility to the person being talked to. The rhyms were subtle and not overbaringly forced, which is nice. Perhaps it's the pairing of singular and plural parings. Anyway, it worked very well. The punctuation of "new sway to my hips" lightens it as well, reinforcing the idea that the speaker isn't sitting around moping. Good on ya!
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      lol i like this poem its clear yet not too simple it has a very nice subtle rhyme scheme that eases into reading and the i really like some of the questions asked and i havent seen many longing poems where the writer is not hte actual one doing the longing but the other party i found it a refreshing change from alot of my poems which usually deal with the I nice write keep it up :D
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by Shadows Life | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of the old Alanis Morisette song "You Oughtta Know" (..And every time you speak her name does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you died, till you died but you're still alive...Cause the joke that you laid on the bed, that was me, and I'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes, and you know it...and every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back, I hope you feel it, well, can you feel it?...)

    Stages of grief: sadness, anger, resolution...seems like this represents stage two...

    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Incubus written by monad
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]