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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Attempted Escapedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BreakAndFall
    ASL Info:    18/f/mo
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 115/153/59
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 750
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 997



    Description:
       well, i ran away the other day, and i wanted to write about it, but didnt quite know how to find the right words to fit it. so my friend morgan and i attempted this poem... it turned out quite nicely... of course, morgan gives me all the credit, but he DID help much, he gave me great insite into the wording and stuff like that.... so ya, just wanted to mention that he helped out too... : )


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    dotsAttempted Escapedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Running away makes everything so much easier
    Walking until blisters form on the bottoms of her feet
    Walking until the tears stop dampening her lashes
    Dodging light's serching eyes on the dark street

    Shifty eyes keep looking over shoulders
    Wary of the life she left behind
    A voice stopped up inside her head
    Those painful words repeating over in her mind

    Suddenly motion ceases and leaves her frail
    Once again tears form as the pain grows
    Sighing winds cool fevered skin
    But inside, the running wont stop, she knows

    Bending over, arms wrapped around knees
    Head burried in the scar-stained hands
    Tensing every muscle to stop the anger
    Cursing the efforts for controlling demands

    Blinded completely and thrashed by sobs
    Lurching dangerously up to a tree
    Begging for support to keep her breathing
    Refusing to bow to her enemy




    Submitted on 2006-04-18 09:55:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Its good and descriptive. Everything is accurate, down to blisters and tensing muscles. How when the body slows down the mind races. Its a good poem, and acurate too. Awesome poem, good job--to both of you.
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by impassive sky | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...the poem itself is good...a typo with "searching" in the first paragraph...

    But I'm left wondering a few things. First of all...why is running away the answer? Why does it make everything easier? And what, exactly, is she running away FROM? Pain and anger, etc., I know...but the reader is left with no clue as to what actually precipitated the drastic action of running away...

    Ambiguity is fine, too...leave the reader to interpret in their own way...it was just my initial reaction, is all...it felt as though it is missing something and isn't quite complete.

    Good though...
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]


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