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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Brotherhooddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: hammyj
    ASL Info:    21/m/Notts UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.71 - 130/81/21
    Words: 290
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 770
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1812



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBrotherhooddots
    -------------------------------------------



    We used to play toy soldiers
    Everyday in summer
    "To take on the world"
    You used to cry
    We were like Dumb and Dumber

    I always tried to protect you
    with camouflage and covering fire
    We would always win these battles
    Its you I'll always admire

    This is as far as it went with me
    But you had to go all the way
    Join the Forces you heard 'em shout
    You did!.. to my dismay

    I waved goodbye to that morning train
    and said goodbye to you Paul
    For a few months i thought at first
    Until I got the dreaded call

    I' ll always try to protect you
    with camouflage and covering fire
    We will always win these battles
    Its you I'll always admire

    Killed in action, was all i was told
    that doesn't help ease the pain
    My heart is always now so cold
    My head's just filled with rain

    They said that you are a hero
    But to me you always were
    I love you Paul for always
    Memories of you, never blur

    I should have tried to protect you
    With camouflage and covering fire
    We would have won this battle
    You I will always admire

    I wish i had gone with you
    Like in our chldhood days
    Then maybe you'd still be here
    I wouldn't be in this daze.

    I hate them for taking you from me
    Your death needed to be avenged
    I wanted "To take on the World"
    But then that would be revenge

    I wish i had protected you
    With camouflage or covering fire
    We could have won that battle
    You will Always be Admired.




    Submitted on 2006-04-18 14:52:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i nearly started to cry, this was so sweet, i nice deication, to someone you care for so much,
    i will be reading more of your work,
    kyrenia
    | Posted on 2006-05-07 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]
      John,
    That is such a beautiful emotional piece....It almost brought tears to my eyes. No, wait it did. This is such a powerful, powerful poem. I have nothing but good things to say about this poem. I loved it. It was very sad but oh so beautiful. You did such a good job and explaining in detail. Its going on my faves for I admire this poem alot. Take Care.

    -Christina
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by POETRY | [ Reply to This ]
      Such a wonderful write. I think that you really captivated a lot of people with the power in this one. The emotions on this.....I agree....WOW.....

    I am over here feeling as though I am lost as well. At times, we lose loved ones....and we always have that thought in the back of our minds...If only I would have been there. I would have made things different.

    Yet, destiny is what it is right. I know that a person can put themselves in a situation that they can't handle....but at other times....it is out of their control.

    You showed a lot of heart with this write. I think that the format, the rhythm, and the wording....PERFECT!

    I am amazed!

    Great job!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow....just...wow....

    Pretty powerful piece, no? But that's probably what you had in mind. I think it was nicely put, and the repitition of the one part really added. A lot of times, it won't sound good or look good, but in this case, it did!

    I really liked it, sorry I don't have much else to say....

    Kassandra
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by darkwinged | [ Reply to This ]
      alll i can say is that this is sooo powerful and that the emotion is sooo strong and i am sorry for you loss.... sooo very sorry i have a friend in war right now tooo and just hoping not to get that call myself
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by silentpoison | [ Reply to This ]
      Very powerful piece. You can feel the sadness when you read it. I liked the rhyming and the repitition of that one verse. It shows how much you wished you could go back.
    Katana
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
      This was deeply felt. Deeply written in love, sadness, and beauty. I think it's beautiful how much you loved him but it's terribly sad that he died in combat. I nearly cried while reading this. I like the way this was written. Good ryhme. This was great. What I look for in poems more than anything is the poem's story. What the meaning behind it is. This....was truly felt and was beautiful and tragic. Great write.
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by bleeding-soul | [ Reply to This ]


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