The Scent of Apples by clovernfoxglove

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Submission Name: The Scent of Apples dots

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Author:	clovernfoxglove
Elite Ratio:	5.16 - 76/83/33
Words:	92

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	171
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	610

Description:
Not really much to this one. Just read and enjoy (hopefully). I was in a thoughtful mood when I wrote this a year ago. I actually found it when I was cleaning.

The Scent of Apples dots

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Open hands grasp to catch the gold,
the last fleeting glimpse of autumn,
yet it rushes
through my fingers
before my hand can snap closed.

Breathing in a last breath
wishing to hold it forever and ever.
Hoping that the scent of apples
will cling to my senses.

Chilly winter lies waiting
among the baring limbs
and I see glimpses
of the coming cold .

Spring will not wait forever,
but winter seems so long.
Can the ice castles last forever?
When will the frosty covering go?

Submitted on 2006-04-18 15:43:51 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
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||| Comments |||
you should clean more often! you never know when you'll find pieces like this, and this one is really a great nature piece, capturing all the moods that i really like when it comes to such themes. the changing of the leaves- subtle transitions, and yes, the nostalgia of seasons past.

the title really caught my eye. apples, although a seasonal fruit (as most fruits are) are not wholly present in this piece. indirectly refering to it was rather a clever touch, allowing the reader to make the connection for themselves as to why the whole piece overshadows this particular fruit. i always believed that an old scent that we come across takes us further back than say, sight and sound. having said that, i have a little problem with the title. "smell" to me, sounds like a verb. a more suitable word might be in order- say "scent"... The Scent of Apples". but thats really up to you.

now the entire piece doesnt sound as cliché as it initially looks, but the last line is. granted, it is a powerful rhetoric but the line before it is a more powerful question to me. also the first person voice in the last line really throws off the feel of the entire piece, be it longing or nostalgia.

but it is a fine write, and rather bittersweet.

peace.
| Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by Pietro | [ Reply to This ]
hiyaa!
i like the kind of nostalgic and longing feelings your piece here reflects. it is nice to see the contrast you portray here between autumn and winter. however, i do think that the last line of the poem -- also your ending line -- is a bit abrupt. it feels like it almost doesnt belong there... although while you were writing it, you might have been thinking of someone, or that someone inspired you to write this piece. you may have to find another way to subtly include this person in your poem. but making it so blunt and random in the end of the poem in my humble opinion, undermines your wonderful piece. the next to last line is also stretching it a bit in terms of going with the content and stylistic flow.

ultimate, it's up to you, the poet, what to do and where to take the poem. as long as you, the writer, like it, it is a good poem. =]

take care.
| Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by babixpeaches | [ Reply to This ]

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