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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Every 8 Minutesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Imadjinn
    ASL Info:    17/M/Neverwhere
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 329/334/138
    Words: 213
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 178
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1518



    Description:
       I really have nothing to say about this one. The one hits home for me. just let it effect you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEvery 8 Minutesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It feels good now, I guess that's the problem
    we think about now, but not that often,
    do we see the ripples and lines,
    that we leave behind.

    Bud the Gestapo, and Jager the Nazi
    Hitler's Driving with the Hebrews beside him,
    it may just be me, but we've all been Jewed.
    Here in the Alcoholocaust.

    every 8 minutes, somebody dies.
    every 3 minutes, somebody's paralyzed,
    every half minute, the hospital calls
    and somebody cries.

    take it on faith, friend
    you don't look cool now
    with your smashed up face,
    on the dash of your Ford.

    Blame it on the Miller,
    when you go to her funeral,
    see her crying parents,
    and put flowers on her grave.
    Leave her face unmemorized,
    in her shallow little tomb.
    forget about her later,
    just remember it's on you.

    every 8 minutes, somebody dies.
    every 3 minutes, somebody's paralyzed,
    every half minute, the hospital calls
    and somebody cries.

    pretend it's not your fault, not your fault.
    blurred signs meant nothing on your road,
    euphoria's grasp took you hold, and you went.

    every 8 minutes, that little girl dies.
    every 3 minutes, that little girl's paralyzed,
    every half minute, the hospital calls
    and that little girl cries in your head.




    Submitted on 2006-04-18 23:01:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey, i like you.

    Poem is ok, really dig the chorous.
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by M. Crazy Eight | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really sad. but ut makes you think. i love the set up and the words you've used. good job.
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by myonlysalvation | [ Reply to This ]
      .... This makes me want to cry, it's that good. I don't see how this would have creeped you out - made you somber, and possibly hideous feeling, but not creeped out.

    My darling, I hope you feel better soon. I know it's hard sometimes.
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by racconeyes | [ Reply to This ]
      the "refrain" parts fit perfectly!

    i feel like there are awkward parts because of the first stanza, which has a rhyme scheme, and as you go on, you leave out rhyming all together, and occasinally bring it back, so i found it kind of lumpy to try and read because of thinking it is headed in a different direction

    i also found it unclear who is telling the story. is this the person that was driving drunk and caused the accident? or were they just a victim in some way other than being in the car? are they like someones conscience? you say:

    pretend it's not your fault, not your fault.
    blurred signs meant nothing on your road,
    euphoria's grasp took you hold, and you went.

    so if this is suppost to be in the first person, i would change the 'you's to 'my's or make it so your're reading it as their thoughts. if that is not the case, the narrative just needs to be defined better.


    ^_^!!
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by i am mouchette | [ Reply to This ]


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