Saint Silence by Raven

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Submission Name: Saint Silence dots

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Author:	Raven_TheWolf
ASL Info:	16/F/CA
Elite Ratio:	4.95 - 128/128/63
Words:	168

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	189
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1161

Description:
This has to be the first poem I've written that I actually am satisfied with. In fact, I'm very pleased with how this one turned out. It's a lovely change from the gobblygook I've been creating lately.

Enjoy, please.

Saint Silence dots

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If only for a moment;
Stop to hear Saint Silence
Take time to watch her descent;
Only she can stop violence
Let yourself repent

During the pitch-dark hours;
Watch her dance across the sky
Feel the extent of her powers
Lick purified sweat from her thigh

When you stare at the ceiling;
Savour every second of peace
For silence is healing;
Let each fear decease

Hold a Lily above your chest;
Take in the pure tranquility
Now let it fall to your breast;
Understand your sensibility
Stop making yourself feel depressed

Day's can be tough and night's can be cold;
Life can be rough, but most remains untold

Saint Silence can not hurt, she only heals
She takes your pain and does not feel

Her methods are old-fashioned and simplistic
Though, you must admit; her lullaby is artistic

When you lie in bed tonight;
Take time to think profoundly
Remember that everything will be alright
And then, you can sleep soundly

Submitted on 2006-04-19 09:57:46 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
I think this poem has a perfect power to heal those who are depressed although this old fashioned method does not always work. Silence can also do so much of harm that certain messages without any noise can make you wonder things that hapeve never popped into your head. But you have chosen a positive approach towards silence and that is a beautiful way to express yourself. I enjoyed very much your beginning but there were certain parts where i felt that you were more trying to make a point than to come from the heart and there were also points where i thought you came too much from the heart and forgot about the facts. It's a balance and you haven't managed that well in certain areas of this piece. But the overall performance of this piece is reassuing and peacful and a pleasure to read.

"Day's can be tough and night's can be cold;
Life can be rough, but most remains untold

Saint Silence can not hurt, she only heals
She takes your pain and does not feel"

I think these four lines fit nowhere in your piece. Just a thought. had to say it out. You're trying to like put a look alike quote and it disrupts the piece. So it's best you don't do that.

Anyhow, i enjoyed this piece very much and i do hope to see more of your work soon.

Take care.....
Irina
| Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
Ok first I want to see some I.D. I am having
difficulty dealing with the fact that you are
fourteen, I am pretty sure I was not writing
like this when I was at that age, but then I was
lost in a sci-fi realm and most of what I wrote
reflected a shoot the monster theme, anyway
avoiding simple rhymes is hard very hard
because there are only so many words to chose
from, therefore the fact that you show such
variety is to be commended, and I do like
rhyme it is one of the things that I enjoy most
a part of the musicality of language an addition
to the symphony of communication if you will,
that is an integral part of life. Well I hesitate to
say this but I like the second stanza the most,
its kind of steamy and I am into that, so quickly
passing that by, I am afraid the rest is just nice
and sweet it verges on the mundane but sometimes
a reflective look at the ordinary is restful, and
necessary to ground and refresh our spirit,
and you have managed a somewhat artful
grace in doing this, so I find myself refreshed
and reassured, which as I said is sweet and nice.
kind of like a hug from a friend. well I haven't
really given you any critique, So here's my two cents
you could worry about meter and form but
I would not this one comes across as being
very natural, well about as natural as poems
with rhyme get, the only line that I see that
is a wee bit awkward is the one
let each fear decease, but its not too bad
I can live with a wee bit of awkward even
Shakespeare had an awkward moment now
and again, ahh I quit I like it let that be
enough

| Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]

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