i liked this piece, it's full of raw emotion. it reminds me of john donne's "batter my heart three-personed god", especially "Break my cement walls/ Tear down my rainforests" (although donne uses similar images to mean something quite different from this poem)...
for some reason the repetition of "Anger/Confusion/Alone…" stands out too much. maybe you could condense them into one line?
i, too, think that this stanza "Erase me from my world!/Kill my soul already!/Escape!/I’ll unlock you now!/Flee!" seems out of place. while i understand the emotion behind it, i wonder if you could rewrite it to fit the flow of the poem. the exclaimation marks are what get to me, i think. the words should be enough without the punctuation.
i liked the repetition of "And another…"
i think the end is too abrupt. not sure what i'd do there...
I reread this a couple of times and I keep getting the sense that this is not just a metaphor about a person feeling lost, confused and alone, but maybe mother earth as well, as we destroy everything, "Break my cement walls Tear down my rainforests Pollute my air Just let me be!"
its very interesting to see that parallel, I don't know if you were thinking that, the only stanza that I have issue with is "Erase me from my world! Kill my soul already! Escape! I’ll unlock you now! Flee!"
it almost seems unnecessary to have this commentary added to the piece. Sometimes it is good to be beaten down, and to bleed, and to shreik, so then you really understand the goodness in life and can overcome the trials that inevitably will task you as you walk your path....anyway....good job. ;)
It sounds like you were distressed inside of this poem...That you have just given up of all you had...You tried, and tried, and tried...But you didn't have any success into getting anywhere from an abuser...It sounds like you just stand there now and let that person continue to come inside of your life and destroy you...Am I correct on your poem...It was sort of hard to understand , but I think I know how you feel...I don't know I could be wrong...
this is really good but its screams confusion... anger confusion alone... very sad but real too. writing is a good way to get all this out. i really like the image of scrathing throgh doors only to find the key to the first one! almost gives an air of desperation. i really like this
shrunken down into darkness is not a pleasant place to be...unfortunately you can't escape yourself except only in delusion...you should change tear to cut down my rainforests i think...write on baby doll.
I get it...I see what you are saying and I even feel some of this pain...Release the soul, release the pain.
And isn't it ironic to find the key to the first door after clawing your way through so many? That was a very good metaphor for what your were feeling.
I don't think this is the typical angst type poem. It was very literate in its statements and leaves the reader (me) holding my ears to muffle the shrieks.
Submission Name: Just Erase
