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    dots Submission Name: Sweet Sophiadots

    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/159
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 542
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 330


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    dotsSweet Sophiadots

    Like the last dandelion seed,
    grasping desparately.

    Like a wandering burr on a furry coat.

    Like stickness on a finger, lingers.

    I am relunctant to let go.

    Slip in between logic
    and throw the sheets to the wind.

    Set sail sweet Sophia.

    Submitted on 2006-04-19 15:40:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Very good. I like all the analogies you used here, it gave depicted how attached the person is to this Sophia. I liked how you made each word seem to rhyme at the end of a sentence to create a nice flow. I think that this being brief worked out just fine. Good work!

    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      The briefness in this poem works out really well because it leaves a lot of filling in the blanks to the reader. How exactly is Sophia leaving, how long had she been there, why did she have to go, why couldn't the narrator come too? It lets the reader get involved rather actively. And that is always a good thing.
    This poem had no apparent rhyme scheme, at least not at first glance, but it had a certain flow to it that worked out really well.
    When reading this poem, I get the image in my head of all of these things taking place in a large field: one single dandelion with only one seed, as the wind tries to tear it away; a small burr sitting on a coat that had been thrown listlessly on the ground; and then Sophia. In my head I see a small child running through a field of wheat, wearing a blue sort of Easter/summer dress and running to a boat. A sail boat. And he mother is just standing there, watching her run, because she knows that Sophia has to go.
    It sounds like she may be dieing. But I get the picture of a mother whose daughter is growing up a lot faster then she had anticipated.
    Anyway...good job here.
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really deep
    I really like the way you showed just how much Sophia means to you
    Very Well done
    The style you wrote this in I like a few words but definately carrying a lot of meaning
    Great Job
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      aww lol i love this poem hehe it goes so well with the picture u have such sweet little images that made me think of childlike innocence especially the word usage given perhaps the word logic kinda took me by surprise seeing the image i was forming but the dandelion the burr all those words and the finale set sail sweet sofia were just images i can find no other words to describe but... sweet lol i really like this poem kinda of a gentle breather and a reminder that childhood should be celeberated great write :)
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Shadows Life | [ Reply to This ]
      Short and sweet. Very well structured and written, with love flowing through every word. I enjoyed reading this - well done.

    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]

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