Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sweet Sophiadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/159
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 537
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 330



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSweet Sophiadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Like the last dandelion seed,
    grasping desparately.

    Like a wandering burr on a furry coat.

    Like stickness on a finger, lingers.

    I am relunctant to let go.

    Slip in between logic
    and throw the sheets to the wind.

    Set sail sweet Sophia.




    Submitted on 2006-04-19 15:40:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very good. I like all the analogies you used here, it gave depicted how attached the person is to this Sophia. I liked how you made each word seem to rhyme at the end of a sentence to create a nice flow. I think that this being brief worked out just fine. Good work!

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      The briefness in this poem works out really well because it leaves a lot of filling in the blanks to the reader. How exactly is Sophia leaving, how long had she been there, why did she have to go, why couldn't the narrator come too? It lets the reader get involved rather actively. And that is always a good thing.
    This poem had no apparent rhyme scheme, at least not at first glance, but it had a certain flow to it that worked out really well.
    When reading this poem, I get the image in my head of all of these things taking place in a large field: one single dandelion with only one seed, as the wind tries to tear it away; a small burr sitting on a coat that had been thrown listlessly on the ground; and then Sophia. In my head I see a small child running through a field of wheat, wearing a blue sort of Easter/summer dress and running to a boat. A sail boat. And he mother is just standing there, watching her run, because she knows that Sophia has to go.
    It sounds like she may be dieing. But I get the picture of a mother whose daughter is growing up a lot faster then she had anticipated.
    Anyway...good job here.
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really deep
    I really like the way you showed just how much Sophia means to you
    Very Well done
    The style you wrote this in I like a few words but definately carrying a lot of meaning
    Great Job
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      aww lol i love this poem hehe it goes so well with the picture u have such sweet little images that made me think of childlike innocence especially the word usage given perhaps the word logic kinda took me by surprise seeing the image i was forming but the dandelion the burr all those words and the finale set sail sweet sofia were just images i can find no other words to describe but... sweet lol i really like this poem kinda of a gentle breather and a reminder that childhood should be celeberated great write :)
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Shadows Life | [ Reply to This ]
      Short and sweet. Very well structured and written, with love flowing through every word. I enjoyed reading this - well done.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    99706

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Carry written by saartha
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Every..... written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Cover written by saartha
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    prison written by ShyOne
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Records I written by Raphael
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry