Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Broken Down


Author: iluvpoetry_1
Elite Ratio:    2.87 - 806 /439 /119
Words: 89
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1273
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 588



Description:


hope ya like it!
~akaila~
o by da way anyone noe how 2 get rid of a stuff nose cuz da medicine aint workin!


Broken Down



Akaila:Lost in a world with nothing but locked doors.
Every twist on the knob, every knock in an empty room.

Sends another blow that falls in my empty soul
My head is aching causing my body to endure even more hurt and pain.

Cordell:Rejection at its highest and self esteem broken down
Darkness seemed to cover everything that’s around

Lost my soul, lost my heart, lost everything I had to live for
Trapped in an empty room with no knobs and locked doors.

By:Akaila(iluvpoetry_1)and Cordell




Submitted on 2006-04-19 18:15:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  this was a little blunt if u ask me. but still good. yeah u write depressing crap.
| Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
  Okay so I just knew you had a tortured writer in there. Good job. I could feel the frustration. This could be expanded upon I think, unless you normally write with such neat conciseness; that is rare in poetry. Way to much blathering about trying to get at the elusive point. None of that for you I see. Look forward to reading more.

Hauntedrose
| Posted on 2006-04-23 00:00:00 | by hauntedrose | [ Reply to This ]
  i feel the exact same way... and what Toxic_rayne said.. deep and depressing
| Posted on 2006-04-23 00:00:00 | by Linkins_knot | [ Reply to This ]
  This was really really...depressing. I especially like the fact t hat this didn't rhyme, but it still had a flow. This was really nice!
| Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



99720