Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If I Were a Candledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Herrick
    ASL Info:    20/M/AL
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 20/29/11
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1013
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 452



    Description:
       I wrote this recently... and I was in a good mood... a great mood. Much better mood than this portrays. This is more serious... I was, and still am happy. Though I would like the answers to these questions.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf I Were a Candledots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I were a candle
    How long would I burn?
    If I were a candle
    Would you light me?

    If I were an eagle
    How far could I fly?
    If I were an eagle
    Wold you set me free?

    If I were a tree
    How tall would I stand?
    If I were a tree
    Would you protect me?

    If I were crazy
    How alone would I be?
    If I were crazy
    What would you see?




    Submitted on 2006-04-19 22:11:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      love this poem, very simple and very tight
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by shmurr | [ Reply to This ]
      wow i liked it ALOT!!!! :D it`s nice though ..i dont know what 2 say but i liked it :)

    keep on the good work ;)

    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by mystic_angel | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah. Wonderful poem. I think I commented on this poem in a note or somewhere.. but that is ok, because I will comment again. I think that that was more based on the meaning of the poem anyway. This will be about the poem its self.
    Overall, I really liked the structure of this poem. It was almost short but the subject matter provokes a lot of thought, so it seems that it is longer then it is. Which is a good thing. And the repetitive lines in each stanza really helps to stress the meaning of each individual stanza. To really help it sink in...
    In the first stanza, what exactly does the candle symbolize? I am going to guess, and you should tell me when I'm wrong. Maybe the candle represents self. How long would you live.. and maybe the last line, 'Would you light me?' Could mean that maybe you wouldn't really be living without this person. I could also represent love... how long would you love and would that person love you.
    And the second stanza.. it really corresponds with the first. It seems like it could be about either love or self. So I am going to pretend that the first is about self and the second about love.
    The third stanza, I like this one the best. (Although it is difficult to choose, they are all so beautiful.) I think that this could represent life. How tall would you stand could mean what would you amount to in life. The last line could be a request for this person to stay with you and protect you from all of the bad things in life.
    I like this stanza a lot also. It seems to me that it means that if life turned out to be not-so-great would they still love you and would they still stay with you through all of that.
    I really liked this poem. You are a wonderful poet, Chris. You really, really are. I love you.
    | Posted on 2006-06-06 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you for writing such a beautiful poem. It is sweet and touching.
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by blozzoms | [ Reply to This ]
      Chris you are crazy! No but this was good. I like that you use the same pattern and are consistent but you aren't really rhyming, it is very poetic. And I like that you are referring to one person throughout. Like no matter what you are you need this person to accept and embrace it. Lovely poem.
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      As I read your poem, these thoughts come to mind: If you were a candle, how hot would you burn? and how much breath would it take to put you out? Candles burn houses, burn hands and are easily snuffed out, like love. Fires are traditionally used to describe the depths of love: my hearts on fire, you set my soul afire, light my fire, that sort of thing.

    You ask your lover to light your fire in the first verse. But then, as the eagle, you ask, will you take my freedom from me, so that I may never fly again? Perhaps asking yourself, is love with this person worth this loss? Then, as a tree, you ask: if I have no freedom and am bound to one spot, one person, will that person be you and will you stand beside me? Lastly, am I just crazy to think we might be lovers afterall? Or am I crazy to give up being with you because of these fears?

    I like it. It's true, to the point, and relevant. I think you could come up with a better title, though. The first line of a poem is, well, the first line. A title can be used to invoke a certain thought and set the stage of the poem. It can become part of the poem, add to it. You are much more imaginative than the first line, you already proved that. Set the stage, draw me into your feelings, challenge me to see love as you do. I'm waiting.

    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Azurekat | [ Reply to This ]
      Great title to the poem, it draws you in. You know a lot of Emily Dickinson’s poems are titled by the first line in the poem.

    Anyway, I liked the poem a lot. The repetition and the different questions made it flow very well. The last line I thought was done especially well. My only suggestion would be that you try to rhyme the second and fourth lines of ever quatrain like you did in the last verse. In my opinion, that would make the poem stick in the mind of the reader more, make a stronger statement.
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Okami Star | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed reading this. It was very....well...beautiful and nice. Questions such as these actually run through my mind nearly everyday. I'm sorry that I can't give good feedback but as you know.....I'm not totally here so please excuse me. Maybe I can give a better review later. But this was wonderful! I'm adding it to my favorites. I really liked the "eagle" parts. For numerous reasons. I don't have time to go through and explain right now but we'll chat about that some other time. Much love.......
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by bleeding-soul | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    99744

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The World written by jjd
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry