[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Some Really Old Blowdots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 710
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 977


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots Some Really Old Blowdots

    Just a bunch of old vampire bones, pounded
    Into dust by a silver hammer's blow;
    Trailing across the gilded mirror, mounded
    Into drifts of icy winters stolen souls.
    The palace of the seven moons stands high
    Upon the crest where the one mountain
    Pierces the black hole of eternity's sighing
    Breath, and there flowing red from the fountain
    Pooling, into golden eyes of feral sheen,
    The children of tomorrow caper in abandon.
    While the orchestral fragrance of melancholy dream's,
    Lends a stultifying effluence of random
    Insane chatter, and the fulminating climax
    Where your brain burst to smithereens.
    Standing upon the parapet you relax,
    Flying like a mosquito to the gleaming eye, in dreams.
    After all it was just a bunch of old vampire bones,
    And you had nothing to do, aside from being stoned.

    Submitted on 2006-04-19 22:53:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like your use of near rhymes. I noticed the pond with a ripple that a fish made. Gosh why aren't you fishing. Your poem needs more than a cursury read, I'm going to have to read it again and again. I like the flow jumping like a frog to another lily pad.. Old bones,though, are of personal choosing.
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
    So I'm not into the whole drug thing or any of that, but damn... This is a great descriptional piece. What you feel, what you see in your mind, the dillusions... It's a beautiful painting. Really, there's not a thing I can find that I'd change... So yeah... Wow. I think I'll even make this a favorite of mine. Great, great work...
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by RealityTears | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good. It took me a few reads to really get into it, but that's a good thing.

    The little twist at the end is priceless, not to mention huh-larious. I'm not fond of the whole drug thing either (Grew up with 'em, parents got sucked into it, f*cked my life up from the beginning, etc.) but a little speak fo it isn't bad.

    The only complaint I have about this is that the flow is difficult to find. And;

    The palace of the seven moons stands high
    Upon the crest where the one mountain
    Pierces the black hole of eternity’s sighing
    Breath, and there flowing red from the fountain
    Pooling, into golden eyes of feral sheen,
    The children of tomorrow caper in abandon.

    That part goes by a little too fast. The beginning seems a bit slower. It also seems more like a story instead of a poem, if you can see what I mean. It pulls a 180 in the middle of the poem. Maybe you can rearrange the rest of it a bit.

    Or, I could just be tripping. It's early in the morning, I got four hours of sleep. Schtuff happens.

    Anywho; This was good.

    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Raven_TheWolf | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Push written by JanePlane
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Every..... written by jackz
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Wavelength written by saartha
    True Death written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]