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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Some Really Old Blowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 652
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 977



    Description:
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    dots Some Really Old Blowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Just a bunch of old vampire bones, pounded
    Into dust by a silver hammer's blow;
    Trailing across the gilded mirror, mounded
    Into drifts of icy winters stolen souls.
    The palace of the seven moons stands high
    Upon the crest where the one mountain
    Pierces the black hole of eternity's sighing
    Breath, and there flowing red from the fountain
    Pooling, into golden eyes of feral sheen,
    The children of tomorrow caper in abandon.
    While the orchestral fragrance of melancholy dream's,
    Lends a stultifying effluence of random
    Insane chatter, and the fulminating climax
    Where your brain burst to smithereens.
    Standing upon the parapet you relax,
    Flying like a mosquito to the gleaming eye, in dreams.
    After all it was just a bunch of old vampire bones,
    And you had nothing to do, aside from being stoned.









    Submitted on 2006-04-19 22:53:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like your use of near rhymes. I noticed the pond with a ripple that a fish made. Gosh why aren't you fishing. Your poem needs more than a cursury read, I'm going to have to read it again and again. I like the flow jumping like a frog to another lily pad.. Old bones,though, are of personal choosing.
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      
    So I'm not into the whole drug thing or any of that, but damn... This is a great descriptional piece. What you feel, what you see in your mind, the dillusions... It's a beautiful painting. Really, there's not a thing I can find that I'd change... So yeah... Wow. I think I'll even make this a favorite of mine. Great, great work...
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by RealityTears | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good. It took me a few reads to really get into it, but that's a good thing.

    The little twist at the end is priceless, not to mention huh-larious. I'm not fond of the whole drug thing either (Grew up with 'em, parents got sucked into it, f*cked my life up from the beginning, etc.) but a little speak fo it isn't bad.

    The only complaint I have about this is that the flow is difficult to find. And;

    The palace of the seven moons stands high
    Upon the crest where the one mountain
    Pierces the black hole of eternity’s sighing
    Breath, and there flowing red from the fountain
    Pooling, into golden eyes of feral sheen,
    The children of tomorrow caper in abandon.

    That part goes by a little too fast. The beginning seems a bit slower. It also seems more like a story instead of a poem, if you can see what I mean. It pulls a 180 in the middle of the poem. Maybe you can rearrange the rest of it a bit.

    Or, I could just be tripping. It's early in the morning, I got four hours of sleep. Schtuff happens.

    Anywho; This was good.

    Sammy
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Raven_TheWolf | [ Reply to This ]


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