[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Phantom Graffitidots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 998
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 799

       Once again at war with those pretentious 'Hollywood types' who co-opt foreign/independent film and strip the genius from the work. Even Tarantino needs a holy backhand now and then to keep him honest. I suppose the same could be said of poets who tend to break ground that's already been plowed. Sayest what thou wilt.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPhantom Graffitidots

    And now, name recognition
    and a paycheck present...
    creature comforts
    that descend like fiends!

    My cinema foments
    a social gospel
    as if such wonders
    (dangling from a limb)
    unspooled like neutered
    nudists in a bath house
    who cannot comprehend
    the lights have dimmed

    Fragments of immortal
    whores litter the shoreline
    coral-clad ostia from
    foreign fields, lay sleek
    as celluloid spun into disks
    for dreamscapes, severing
    the sense from simple words

    Love and war
    and peace and pleasure;
    all the old familiar morbid
    themes, handled by a lesser
    brace of demon, peeling
    off the mask till
    that thing screams

    Submitted on 2006-04-20 00:44:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I liked it, yet I feel immature in my inability to completely grasp the meaning.

    I got the general idea, and my failure to see beyond that is not due to any fault on the writer's part.

    I know I am capable of understanding the meanings behind poetry that requires this much thought (for me at least).

    But I need some degree of guidance to get started.

    For what I did understand: the imagery illustrating the idea, I was pleased.

    The words are well chosen, so far as my simple mind can see, and I feel a bit dissapointed in myself for not being able to offer any deeper insight or aid. I know most poets crave that bit of criticism that makes them grow.

    I'm not much good at critique, there's a certain level of artistry I cannot comprehend as of yet.

    And that makes me a sad panda.


    Maybe I'm overestimating the piece, or underestimating my abilities, but perhaps not.

    I did gather this:

    You are sick of the way that "Hollywood" pollutes the work of genius amateur or independant movie producers/script writers, and you can't stand how they have to take everything, remove any hint of subtlety, and paint it all in bold red lines, just to make a buck or two.

    Sorry I'm not much help, but hopefully I inadvertantly said something that made a difference.

    ~Keegan R. Gilmore
    | Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]
      "Even Tarantino"? Mate, I'd say especially! I can understand it from people without any ability or convictions beyond the generic, but...

    Well. The poem. I am totally absorbed by the ironic tone, and couldn't agree more with the themes in it. "The lights have dimmed" indeed -- or perhaps just brightened to the point where people are blinded.

    You've co-opted those clichés in the last stanza and turned them on their head, which is lovely.

    For some reason "fragments of immortal whores" isn't sitting too well with me. I love the "immortal whores" bit, but I would rather see them torn limb from limb than fragmented, somehow. Something fleshier, perhaps? But then you go on to the "coral-clad ostia", implying that the flesh is long gone... ah, I don't know, I think I just want more violence!

    At least here we have a film industry which makes practically no money, so it's kept honest enough! I'm not sure if that's a good thing, but it keeps the starving artist stereotype intact.

    And poets too.
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by Fantastic Freya | [ Reply to This ]
      What the hell is Phantom Graffiti?
    Don't answer that.

    This was a great piece
    I believe I have gathered most of what you intended to convey in this write yet there are places I think I have my own meaning to.
    In the end though it still boils down to a very good piece poetically and most certainly worthy of praise.

    Keep up the great work Bill

    Take care

    | Posted on 2006-06-17 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm, i love this, but i often do when i read your works. and then i go man, why couldnt i have written that? but that is what keeps me coming back, so i can read some of yours and post some of my crap. haha

    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by rocknpoetrychik | [ Reply to This ]
      Jezuz Bill, the real you comes out.

    You are that thing that screams.

    I LOVE "foments" and I love the tought behind most of this. I ain't into raving, but this is the best thing I've read today, so it's allowed!

    Ostia had me puzzled, though?

    Great penmanship with a killer ending...what more do they want???

    Cheers from me

    be happy

    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    untitled written by ShyOne
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Every..... written by jackz
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    AI written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Summer written by layDsayD
    True Death written by layDsayD
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Push written by JanePlane
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Love written by saartha
    descent written by TheBadSadMan




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]