Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: For a Girl I've Never Met: My Sympathiesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MaeBirdie
    ASL Info:    17/female/US
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 59/51/30
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 204
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 616



    Description:
       Life has been...interesting the last few years. One of the things that hit me hardest was when a senior at my school commited suicide. His girlfriend found him. So I got to thinking about that, and this appeared.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor a Girl I've Never Met: My Sympathiesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why does the world never stop
    When tragedy occurs?
    When loved ones die, and stop breathing
    Ne’er to return

    Why does the caged bird still sing on
    Though no one’s there to hear?
    When I mourn inside my room
    Why does the world not disappear?

    Should the ache e’er deign leave,
    The pain e’er to depart,
    Could another find his way to fix
    My sore and wounded heart?

    The moon above and stars beside
    Seem not to hear my plea
    Please oh please cruel world, I beg
    Bring my dearest back to me.




    Submitted on 2006-04-20 14:45:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think this was well written. And I see something in this that makes you a great poet. Not only your words, but the fact that you can sympathize and Empathize with others. That is an important part of writing poetry. Very well written. Did you ever show this to that girl?

    I especailly love dthe beginning. Its so familair, everyone has experienced loss, so we all know that it is true that the world will not stop spinning for any kind of tradegy.
    This was well written.

    ~Cami~
    | Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the fact that you incorporate many questions into your work - expressive of the questioning nature of life. However...
    you may want to reconsider the line in stanza three:
    "The pain e’er to depart,"
    It does not make grammatical sense. In fact, I'm not entirely sure why you use the conjunctions in the first place as you have no need of maintaing a set rhythm. "Ever" is alright, as is "Never."
    Anyway, I think the lines should read:
    "Should the ache ever deign leave,
    Or The pain ever depart," etc...

    Mmm, anyway, it's expressive etc.

    Thanks for the read,
    Shana.
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by shana | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this. It started out as a kind of soft sadness and then built upon itself to become more and more hard each time. Well done. I also like that, and maybe this is just me, it starts out thinking that the narrator is kind of whiny, but then realizes later that she actually has something real on her mind. So well done there too
    Wishing for more
    ~Brian
    | Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.