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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fish n Chipsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/160
    Words: 46
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 705
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 321



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFish n Chipsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Yesterdays news,
    bruises my finger tips.
    I lick off soured crystal grits
    and slip my lips in saturation.

    Print me a smell of chipped tatters
    and battered swimmers,
    on a page three spread.

    Whilst the sea waves
    I'm happily drowning in gluttony.




    Submitted on 2006-04-20 15:47:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't know what you were getting at, but you sure made me hungry. lol. I love fish and chips though. Your flow was good and so was the imagery. I just loved the way this had a easy flow to it. Like a coffee shop feel. Nice, warm and comfortable. Great work.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Hi Kate,

    to me, you've woven up a new recipe and the trick is to find one's
    own theme if that's needed or just to enjoy. Either way, it's a savvy write and you could recite it to many a sailor who lands on your shores.

    maybe even take out them out for a bite!
    I like the inventive quality and direct style, quite proper mum!
    Thanks for sharing,

    Nan

    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Not sure exactly what this is about, but I do like it. The wordplay here and internal rhyme is quitte good. I'd like to say I get it but I don't (no, don't explain either - that'll just make me feel stupid ). Anyway, only change I would think about is 'whilst' - that didn't seem to fit for me. It's your work, but that's just me 2 cents.

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      haha..
    Does ANYONE not like fish and chips?

    ok they are greasy and salty and generally not good for you..
    But they are an all time comfort food.. and outdoor food..

    And your poem captures this by concentrating on the newspaper wrapping.. Fish and chips just dont taste the same with out..

    nice poem.. i liked it

    shaun
    | Posted on 2006-06-14 00:00:00 | by shanu | [ Reply to This ]
      ellie,
    i do not know what else to do but wonder about what i just read and that was your poem.it certainly affected me.it was innocent and fresh.
    charles
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by sickly | [ Reply to This ]
      Very witty. Intellegent etc. I like the plays on words. Please tell me thought went into this one?? Also, I'm sure you've heard the quote, "today's news wraps tomorrow's fish and chips"? I liked it a lot. Is there a reason stanza line length decreases? I don't know what that added to it, maybe just signified the changes in direction of the poem.
    A perfect specimen of intellegent penmanship.
    I think I've found a favourite!

    Shana.
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by shana | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very cool and different. it made me hungry for fish 'n chips! i think you mean "taters" instead of "tatters"...? very clever write! great play on words all wrapped up in, well, yesterday's news!! great job on this one.

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Did you have a hidden agenda, perhaps of turning a blind eye to the world's woes, as you pig out on too much good stuff?

    If so, very well done, and very well hidden.

    If not, call me cynical and stupid, I can take it...lol

    I like my way of reading it, excellent!

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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