[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Other Speciesdots

    Author: Rokhal
    ASL Info:    21, f, USA NW
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 85/71/18
    Words: 219
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1318
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1358

       This predates Monsters and Alien Dream---it's 2004---and it's got about the same theme.
    Please tell me if you can't tell what's going on, and how you interpret the last part, unless it doesn't make sense.
    If it's not clear (if you can't until you read the top part, please let me know so I can fix it), this is about a scientist-type showing off a Giger's Alien.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOther Speciesdots

    Feel its fine skin. Put your hand on it.
    I have a good hold, it won’t move. Feel
    the soft fine membrane, the tracheal tubes.
    Feel its pulse—subtle,
    yet powerful—steady, unlike ours. No proper heart,
    but many valves, so elegant.
    I have it, it won’t move.
    The mouths—come along, girl, show me
    The inner mouth
    is all muscle and spring-bow—like cartilage—
    fired by the head.
    Harder than a horse kicks, it can brace against the blow.
    Good girl.
    The teeth,
    the teeth—
    we cannot find how it grows its teeth. They are mineral.
    Feel them.
    Soft curving arc of metal,
    so beautiful, a mathematical curve.
    Mathematical creature.
    You see the beauty?
    I suppose
    you must first learn to cradle,
    like the face of a child,
    the fresh-drawn heart of a cow, watch it beat air,
    the fibers tugging beneath the tenuous pericardium,
    and kneel, with moist, uplifted hands,
    under the slow light,
    the blind light, where there is no light or darkness
    for the thousand memories
    in the curved ice mind.

    Submitted on 2006-04-20 22:06:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I am really sorry but I am not sure if I
    Can give you an unbiased review, you see
    This is one of my favorite poems. I just
    Don’t see myself as capable of looking at
    It objectively. Therefore how about I just
    Enumerate its virtues! Well first as I caress
    It with my eyes I am reminded of a star ship’s
    First shift into hyper-drive (fits the alien theme too)
    Then as my will is bent to the compel of your voice.
    I move my hand down the sleek slide of it,
    I am enthralled by the animus of its pulse
    (purely from a psychological perspective of course)
    And when you show me the inner mouth, rapture.
    I am overwhelmed by the power, the teeth
    I shiver to think what that curving arc of
    Metal might do to my soft sensitive flesh.
    Logically of course I know I am safe, and
    That you are in full control of the experience.
    But still I shudder. And as you draw my
    Captive mind into the realm where pure
    knowledge is worshiped, I enter into a state
    of transcendent wonder( I could go on to
    describe this state but I would be here all
    night and that I can not do, I have to go
    to work soon.) I will just say it’s a great
    ending, you rock! I had to put that in there.
    And honestly you rock, I have read some
    Of your other poems, You are very creative
    And original (at least I am not familiar
    With anyone else who writes like you)
    So unless you shoo me away I will be pestering
    You with a few more reviews, however my
    Time is limited so I shall not be stalking you.
    I doubt I would have the time to live up to
    The commitment, but I want to stalk you
    Really I do, I think you deserve to be stalked.
    Well I have to run, hey did I say it , you rock.

    | Posted on 2006-04-23 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]