Description: Questions of/if/will I/ and when/ and do I know what to do when /and if----eh who knows?
The Problem Solution -------------------------------------------
The Solution Problem
Time fails to compare.
The object of this game
isn’t to go anywhere.
Sit and wait for nothing,
like that song, that
reminded you of something-
back in a day when you cared.
And all was ok with the mediocrity
teething at your heals the hypocrisy
just before the horror scene
& it wont make you -who you
really want to be!
It’s never going to change.
Better get accustomed to it
And welcome that pain
Put your heart into it-
Someone is going to do it.
Just don’t know what to do with them
"teething at your heals" do you mean "teething at your heels" or "teething at you heals"? i'm confused about that so i thought i'd bring it up.
honestly, i think you need to distill this... to not have it so generic and bland... which i think it is.
sorry, but i'm just being honest here... it's totally FILLED with clichés i've heard a million times already. and you've managed to string them all together in one poem almost. ok, it's not totally clichéd... only half the lines are.
i suggest revising this completely... injecting more originality into it. god, i hate being so mean... but i have to be honest with you.