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    dots Submission Name: The Problem Solutiondots

    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 785
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1002

       Questions of/if/will I/ and when/ and do I know what to do when /and if----eh who knows?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Problem Solutiondots

    The Solution Problem

    Time fails to compare.
    The object of this game
    isn’t to go anywhere.
    Sit and wait for nothing,
    like that song, that
    reminded you of something-
    back in a day when you cared.
    And all was ok with the mediocrity
    teething at your heals the hypocrisy
    just before the horror scene
    & it wont make you -who you
    really want to be!
    It’s never going to change.
    Better get accustomed to it
    And welcome that pain
    Put your heart into it-
    Someone is going to do it.
    The solution
          The problem?
           Got em'
    Just don’t know what to do with them


    Submitted on 2006-04-20 22:16:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      F*ckin' Nice.......I like you when your serious....you know that. So I see myspace has taken you away from this site (to a degree) just as it did to me.

    | Posted on 2006-05-07 00:00:00 | by C. Starr | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting. I like how it was broken up and the rhyme scheme was kept throughout. I think it flows nicely as well. I particularly liked the lines:

    "& it wont make you -who you
    really want to be!"

    The one thing I don't like it I can't really understand what your trying to say. The poem doesn't necessarily need to be longer...but perhaps it might me good to change a few lines around?
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by Okami Star | [ Reply to This ]
      [censored] biiiiiiiaaaaaatch bum!
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      "teething at your heals"
    do you mean
    "teething at your heels"
    "teething at you heals"?
    i'm confused about that so i thought i'd bring it up.

    honestly, i think you need to distill this... to not have it so generic and bland... which i think it is.

    sorry, but i'm just being honest here... it's totally FILLED with clichés i've heard a million times already. and you've managed to string them all together in one poem almost. ok, it's not totally clichéd... only half the lines are.

    i suggest revising this completely... injecting more originality into it. god, i hate being so mean... but i have to be honest with you.

    i'm sorry :(
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by jetstream_candy | [ Reply to This ]

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