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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Problem Solutiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 785
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1002



    Description:
       Questions of/if/will I/ and when/ and do I know what to do when /and if----eh who knows?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Problem Solutiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Solution Problem

    Time fails to compare.
    The object of this game
    isn’t to go anywhere.
    Sit and wait for nothing,
    like that song, that
    reminded you of something-
    back in a day when you cared.
    And all was ok with the mediocrity
    teething at your heals the hypocrisy
    just before the horror scene
    & it wont make you -who you
    really want to be!
    It’s never going to change.
    Better get accustomed to it
    And welcome that pain
    Put your heart into it-
    Someone is going to do it.
    The solution
          The problem?
           Got em'
    Just don’t know what to do with them

    lamemansterms




    Submitted on 2006-04-20 22:16:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      F*ckin' Nice.......I like you when your serious....you know that. So I see myspace has taken you away from this site (to a degree) just as it did to me.

    CC
    | Posted on 2006-05-07 00:00:00 | by C. Starr | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting. I like how it was broken up and the rhyme scheme was kept throughout. I think it flows nicely as well. I particularly liked the lines:

    "& it wont make you -who you
    really want to be!"

    The one thing I don't like it I can't really understand what your trying to say. The poem doesn't necessarily need to be longer...but perhaps it might me good to change a few lines around?
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by Okami Star | [ Reply to This ]
      [censored] biiiiiiiaaaaaatch bum!
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      "teething at your heals"
    do you mean
    "teething at your heels"
    or
    "teething at you heals"?
    i'm confused about that so i thought i'd bring it up.

    honestly, i think you need to distill this... to not have it so generic and bland... which i think it is.

    sorry, but i'm just being honest here... it's totally FILLED with clichés i've heard a million times already. and you've managed to string them all together in one poem almost. ok, it's not totally clichéd... only half the lines are.

    i suggest revising this completely... injecting more originality into it. god, i hate being so mean... but i have to be honest with you.

    i'm sorry :(
    ~patchouli
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by jetstream_candy | [ Reply to This ]


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