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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sideways Story for Lovelorn Childrendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rocknpoetrychik
    ASL Info:    20/Female/Someplace
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 331/281/44
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 211
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 371



    Description:
       It is piecy, but that is how thoughts are, jumbled, disorganized, i call my poetry style dirty poetry because i dont like to clean it up, so if you dont like it, i dont blame you, but i will do my best to entertain you ;P


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSideways Story for Lovelorn Childrendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Reeling in, feeling in
    side pain, heart, vein
    pumping, love, cuts like a spear
    i can hear, i fear what's
    NEAR!
    knowing leer,
    welcome the sneer, eye can see
    im falling in
    cant contend, no defense,
    hop, skip, jump
    i volunteered,
    disappeared,
    Now im here!
    Fuck! I loved




    Submitted on 2006-04-21 02:17:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This sounds a bit like love as delerium/lust fulfillment told in microscopic bursts of energy hovering on the tissue edge of pleasure/pain. Now that I've said that, I must confess that it seems incomplete owing to the disoriented images and brevity of the piece. As an experiment, I read the work 'sideways' and found an intriguing series of thoughts contained in the body of the write (which may be a mirage on my part). In parenthesis are the additions to the write and in brackets are the core thoughts I gathered:

    [Reeling in], feeling in
    side [pain, heart], vein
    [pumping, love], cuts like a spear
    [i can hear], i fear what's
    NEAR!
    (a) [knowing leer],
    welcome the sneer, eye can see
    [im falling in]
    [cant] contend, no defense,
    [hop, skip, jump]
    [i volunteered,
    disappeared],
    [Now im] here!
    [[censored](ed)!] I loved

    BTW, many times the resaon why readers don't critique immediately is because there is a need to ponder the challenges the work provides before offering feedback worthy of its depth (or in some cases, lack of depth).

    I honestly wish you'd expand this because I'm fascinated by what led you to write it. It's good to have you back. Take care.

    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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