A Pre-mixed Smile by Pietro

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Submission Name: A Pre-mixed Smile dots

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Author:	Pietro
ASL Info:	22/m/cebu
Elite Ratio:	8 - 238/140/30
Words:	165

Class/Type:	Poetry/Angry
Total Views:	259
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	1357

Description:
descriptions are sooo 2005. but anyway, this one's about posers, fakers, diary exposeurs, confessional poets who attack vague entities. i actually know some who feel so cool coz they're photographers with fancy cameras and computers. pfft. photography like that is for people who cant draw.

with thanks to alteredlife's sharp eye for spelling

A Pre-mixed Smile dots

-------------------------------------------

There,
over and yonder
by the puff of smoke, at the real grassy knoll
coming at us all with
clandestine beeps and snorts through the monitor.

Smiling
Posing

So here is the concoction;
one part happy,
one part sad,
all parts botulinum toxin.

Smile
please, I beg of you smile,
scratch my eyes out,
stick needles in them and torment me with your

pseudo-esotericisms.

But smile.

One part cool
and one part tragic-
all parts ghost-eared and feigned,
as the crowd sways
in motion and
tantric spells pack and frolic.

Beat and smile

Nepotistic love
spawns from around.
Hedonistic worshippers
carry it over their heads

One part you
one part me,
and drowning while you're wearing your crown

over seas of plastic smiles.

Dont forget your camera.

Smile.

Submitted on 2006-04-21 15:16:21 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  this is a very powerful rebuke to the central issues that dominate mans twisted view on life. you have really hit the mark here. this is a very dynamic piece.
you have weaved this transparent cloak skillfully. your line brakes are perfect and the format is quite intriguing. i thought that it was genius how you created and worded this wonderfully bitter-sweet tonic.

one part skill
one part anger
all parts striking

most excellent work my, friend.
God bless you.
john-paul
| Posted on 2007-01-23 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
  the bolding is pretty cool. i also especially like the phrases "psuedo-esotericisms" and "nepotistic love."

"So here is the concoction;
one part happy,
one part sad,
all parts botulinum toxin." is pretty effective, too.

i agree with the message here; fakers and photographers go hand in hand often, unfortunately. candid and natural photography is rare. sure, any person can take a plastic model, make it smile, and capture it on camera, but it's finding beauty in everyday life that's the challenge; that's what real photographers do.

uh, anyway, i'm sort of rambling now, sorry. good write; it really conveyed your message in a way pleasant to read.
| Posted on 2006-08-21 00:00:00 | by explosions | [ Reply to This ]
  I wish you could write more, sooner. But that would be tantamount to nagging. We have to respect the creative process - like the way Johannes Vermeer painted and lived his life.

But there is a quality to your writing that just lifts. Sometimes tangy and other times quick and precise and yet not bereft of depth and insight.

I also quite find attractive the great sense of metaphor and even a playfulness in the use of poetic elements - not irreverent and not mercenary in a crafting sense. This makes for poetry worth not only the reading experience but allowed to speak into and influence one's life.

I see also that Jase has put his hand here and there. Isn't he a gem! But don't tell him that - he may get a swell head. LOL!

P.S. you could not have known. I have hid my SLR away but the digicam I use at work is on the desk as I type this. LMAO!......

Have a great weekend man.
| Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]
  This is probably the best I've read from you Pietro. Seriously. You hit the mark... and to me... the description is unnecessary because it is already well-inferred here without it.

'Pseudo-esotericisms'' - that's a cool compound word. Just had to say that lol. And so is mentioning nepotism and hedonism.

Oh, it's spelt 'frolic' as far as I'm aware. Unless American spelling is different.

The use of bold format in between is used effectively I have to note. Brings much more impact to your statements.

And what's wrong with photographers huh? Huh? Gotta problem biatch? Lol. I take lots of photos... so, you know... just wondering about that lol.

I hope to god I'm not a faker or poser. Although I'm confessional at times... but who isn't? And sure, I've posted diary-like poems... but that's just another style to try to me.

All in all, very striking. Right to the heart of a matter which obviously bothers you. It bothers me too... but I tend to ignore it and move on etc etc. But it's good you brung it up.

And really, I'm just babbling because I can offer no constructive nitpicking... so, be glad. Lol.

Peace,

Jase
| Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi Pietro! i haven't talked to you in a while. First of all, I really love your poem, it's wonderful, and I can't find anything wrong with it. Second of all, you always pick such interesting topics. I have fun reading your poetry. I like that you chose to do something different with your structure in this poem. That's the main thing that I get people on when they post a write. Interest can mean the difference between a wonderful write and a horrible one. The subject matter is great. Between "nepotistic love" and the ending line, were my favorite parts. You ended the poem in a way that was subtle, yet right for it. Like I said, I reall love this and I will most definetly be putting it on my favorites list.

Love from your favorite flower,
~Clover
| Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by clovernfoxglove | [ Reply to This ]

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