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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Beloved Angeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vitoko
    ASL Info:    24/M
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 690/442/104
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Prose/Love
    Total Views: 1042
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 428



    Description:
       well i hope you like it ...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Beloved Angeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    My beloved angel,
    who came from venus
    to cover me between
    her golden wings,
    which ease my agony.
    Her words make me
    forget that I live
    between thorns
    of black roses.
    She takes me
    to the sea of dreams,
    and on the threshold
    of this ocean,
    I found the sight
    of love, which only
    the sun give us
    every dawn.




    Submitted on 2006-04-21 15:26:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow you’ve used such wonderful imagery here, I can see the images vividly, particularly in this part:

    “My beloved angel,
    who came from venus
    to cover me between
    her golden wings,
    which ease my agony.”

    It’s so beautiful.

    And this part:

    “She takes me
    to the sea of dreams,”

    Such romantic descriptions that really plays on the readers emotions. I enjoyed this very much, great job.

    *~xXxLinzixXx~*
    | Posted on 2007-09-08 00:00:00 | by Linzi | [ Reply to This ]
      hey babe. welcome me back! I miss you. this is one of your best darling. Well, come by and comment me. then i will start writing again.
    the imagery in this is absolutely amazing. i am blown away. god. i can not wait to hear more of your fabulous stuff.
    xoxo,
    me
    | Posted on 2006-09-22 00:00:00 | by 2Numb | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very good, Victor. very sweet and loving. we all need an angel like this in our lives. i'm glad you have one. i liked the reference of living between thorns of a black rose. it could almost be called "cliché" but works here very well, and i am not the cliché police! i think this is one of your best pieces.
    it should be "the sun gives us" instead of "give us."

    well done.

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww... me gusta mucho este poema.

    I really like the imagery here, and I think it is a very beautiful poem. I love the line about the "sea of dreams" because (while it's kind of a random picture) it makes me imagine thousands of little bubbles with people's wishes and dreams in them floating in a large body of water... OK, that was weird, sorry.

    I felt very relaxed reading this... I could almost feel the love emanating from the poem... Anyway, you did an amazing job with this. Bien hecho. ...bb...

    XoXo
    ~Tayla~
    | Posted on 2006-04-29 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was by far better than the last 2 or 3 post of yours. This was really good. I enjoyed the imagey and the wording. I spotted typos and places where you used a word incorrectly. I will point the out. Line 3, instead of saying "between" try "with". Line 5, say "eases". Line 8, try the word " among". Line 14, try " a vision" instead of the sight. Outside of that everything esle you did was very good and I was happy with this poem.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Hola Vic!

    again you write a poem that is beautifuland so full of emotion i agreei t is different from your others but i still like it!

    i love this part "Her words make me forget that I live between thorns of black roses."

    that line is epic!

    Amanda
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      Victor, I need to be brutal to be kind.

    Your words are nice, and as a love poem it's nice. Now, ask yourself: What do I want to write? Something that will stay in the reader's mind for long after they read it?

    This isn't it. It's nice enough, but needs that certain something that really imbeds it into the memory.

    Seriously ask yourself how much time you spent on this.

    I'm not criticising, just trying to help (which you keep asking for). keep on writing...TRY harder.

    be happy

    graeme
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a beautiful piece of poetry... quite different from your usual, love = death type of style.
    It's got such wonderful imagery and just a really great feel about it. Maybe that's what happens when you put such passion into your writing

    I'm sorry this is such a short comment, but I'm trying to stay focused... it would be waaay too easy for me to go off on a rant just now

    lovely write!

    -jess
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      AWWWWWWW!...I must say very very very good write!!!..kinda different from your others..happy i would say...

    "Her words make me
    forget that I live
    between thorns
    of black roses. "

    I loved those lines to death!!!..very good image their...god i wish i was real angel...God of my soul..hehe..anywho nothing you should fix..its perfect the way it is!..just like you..jk jk hehe....and I'm glad that "some girl" (meaning meh)can make you feel like this!

    Lucy ^_^
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
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    99922

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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