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    dots Submission Name: bleeding heartdots

    Author: silent_death12
    Elite Ratio:    7.94 - 1739/805/135
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1268
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 747


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbleeding heartdots

    Looking upon the life we hide,
    Behind blood and twisted homicide...
    The murder needed to survive,
    The bloodlust just to keep us alive.
    Bloodshed followed by eternal tears,
    existing as the immortal entity of your fears.
    Love and lust; I'm the bringer of death,
    Pain and time; stealing another guilty breath.
    Breaking another promise meant to be kept,
    As the creator of the tears you wept.
    The smile behind every scar;
    blackened light existing with every star.
    I'm the twisted, almost gentle pain;
    The youngest heartbeat keeping time with the rain.
    But when it comes to one final end,
    I'm just the problem you wanted to defend.

    Submitted on 2006-04-21 18:54:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I see why you told me to read this. This takes my breath away it is exactly what i was looking for from you. It is the best write you have so far. There is a meaning behind every line probably every punctuation. Bloodlust it shows how much you need how much your going after it. You need it to survive that is really creative its not depressing but it is a dark based poem and i like that. There were two different sides to the same person it seems not really two people atleast thats what i get from it a struggle between inside the same person needing and wanting yet yous till cry its dark and dim i wouldnt call it dark and light and that slight contrast differenciates a good poem from a great one and this is definetly great. The smile behind every scar is so contradictory and it fits in so well with the theme of this poem. It is one of the most original of all poems i have ever read thanks for telling me to read this. I will be back for more.
    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by wallya20 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, whereas this is clasified as vampire, and even has the dark, woe of vampirism I really don't get the baleful, erotic nature that overlies the whole point of vampiristic legend. That being said, what I do gather of this piece is hope, or more specifically a dirge for hope lost and people feeding off of other people in a frenzy of betrayal, which is the one of the other thirds to vampires. It also has the whole fear of the dark thing down, even though you only briefly mentioned night at all. This line

    "blackened light existing with every star."

    seems to sum up a lot about humanity. Namely our(or maybe only my) inate ability to draw terror from solace, and misery from victory.

    I have to say, you have a way of making people think, and will definately read more of your stuff.
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by Rastine Aristat | [ Reply to This ]
      Really impressive poem here, and rather simplistic as well. You used a lot of very good words and the rhymes you used weren't predicatable or forced, and it all flowed together very nicely. The message of broken promises is really enforced in this piece. I will definitly read more of you work.

    Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by SnakeBite7 | [ Reply to This ]
      hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....... interseting........... hide-homicide.............................. nice. Brilliant. I would have never used it.

    | Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by jslbabygirl101 | [ Reply to This ]
      I am kinda lost in this one but it is a good one. I think you are talented and you have a gift. Don't be shy to stop by,

    Jessica aka jslbabygirl101
    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by jslbabygirl101 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Jess,
    Wow you've done it again just when i'd thought i had found my favourite write from you... you blow me away with this.
    Descriptively and thoughtfully you had me spellbound i read it again and again and found sommething new each time
    | Posted on 2006-05-01 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]
      An interesting write and for your age I am very very impressed. I have seen you around the site a few times and I have always wanted a chance to comment on some of your stuff. I have never gotten that chance until now. I'm so glad that I got the chance to read your work. You did a nice job with rhyme, rhythm and your flow was very good.

    Keep up the great work and have a blessed and most wonderful day and God bless. Thanks so much for sharing. I am adding this to my fav's list just because you impressed me so much.
    | Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      i think this write captued good discripive details in my mind if that makes any sence i really liked it, it kinda makes me think more about things going on in my life and i think that it could possibaly be turned in to a song and i think that would be really cool too
    | Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by robbie | [ Reply to This ]
      Dude this is a really nice write! I loved this one, the rhyming flows so good here. I really like the way you portray vampires here, almost sympathetic wit them in a twisted kind of way. I really liked that. There are so many good lines. I love the first line, the way you say that vampires hide behind blood and homicide, God, thats good, i wish i thought of that. I also love this line

    "The smile behind every scar"

    This really shows the life of a vampire in one line. How the death of other people are necessary to keep the vampire alive. It is so metaphorical and vivid. Hell of a nice write.
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      i think that that writing is good im writing and wording this comment to understand i was going to comment in an other way that writing rhymes good and the whole writing is rhyming good the whole lines are rhyming this is good writing and this is good rhyming
    | Posted on 2006-04-23 00:00:00 | by imnotblab | [ Reply to This ]
    once again you captured my mind with your incredible talent
    In this one You I believe are speaking of how it seems one needs to feel pain to achieve happiness
    I would have to say in some cases this does ring true
    But I certainly wouldnt say it about all cases
    You have a very good talent of making one think deeply with your words
    I really enjoyed this
    Great Job Once Again
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it. I think it would be better as a free verse though. There was the use os the same word or one similar to often and to close to the last time. I enjoyed the wording but felt you could do so much more with this. Beautiful writing, just needs a boost.

    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Very Good Jess. I llike the imagry you're using here, such as:

    Looking upon the life we hide,
    Behind blood and twisted homicide...
    The murder needed to survive,
    The bloodlust just to keep us alive.

    This is just beautiful, and I can relate in so many ways.

    Excellent write, keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by Vampirism | [ Reply to This ]
      i loved this one. maybe cuz it really reminded me of rap lyrics.

    Looking upon the life we hide,
    Behind blood and twisted homicide...
    The murder needed to survive,
    The bloodlust just to keep us alive.

    ahhh. the irony, the paradoxes. the way u depict people as needing murder...to live. and how we lust for blood but at the same time that thirst for bloodshed is what keeps us alive. amazing. fave list...definitely
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow..I really liked this piece..the ending was strong..the flow was good..your rhyming didn't seem forced ..it was nice nice nice!..lol...anywho i liked the description to death..i guess I can relate to some parts.

    "Breaking another promise meant to be kept,
    As the creator of the tears you wept.
    The smile behind every scar"

    Promises kept, Unlikely..almost all meaningful promises are broken for some reason..and i liked the image of a smile behind each scar..i would say more of a frown..and a tear..but the smile makes its secretive and mysterious for some reason..lol..anywho truly did love this piece..hope to read more of you work!!

    Lucy ^_^
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      I love vampire poems sis and this is a great poem you've written here! You are a very talented writer and I hope you don't stop writing! Luv ya sis, have a great week!
    | Posted on 2006-06-18 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I must say I'm usually not in to this whole dark poetry thing, but I actually enjoyed this one immensly. You know this sounds like u are talking about vampires , but i don't know if that's what you meant or just that humans have such an evil nature.I find this line for interesting I'm not sure why I just like the way it sounds.
    The murder needed to survive,
    The bloodlust just to keep us alive.
    Um I don't know what else to write so bye for now.
    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by smartblond | [ Reply to This ]
      hey bubz, ive been on this site a few years now, but i dont think ive read any of your work, this was kool, i like the the way it had a slight story behind it, and it did flow! i will def be reading more from u,
    keep em cummin
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]
      Jess this is good but ....we need to talk.
    | Posted on 2006-06-09 00:00:00 | by Laz | [ Reply to This ]

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