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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Between The Linesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sacred Sindy
    ASL Info:    30 female in Portland, Or
    Elite Ratio:    6.36 - 151/128/34
    Words: 290
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 2190
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2146



    Description:
       I have worked hard to polish this but am not sure if it is still ready to be called a final piece. though alot of the errors in the poem are dilberate if you see anything that still needs to be corrected please point it out. any help or advice now will do for me!

    slightly tweaked by chell's recommendation. thanks!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBetween The Linesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    [I am a torn page from a spiral notebook;
    )
    [Jagged edges
    )
    [And sloppy.


    I am an abbreviation, a mispeling, an error
    A @!*# curse in symbols.

    I am the silent "k" in known
    And the "f" in phenomenon;
    A swift erasure, lost forever,
    Question mark me?
    I am the implied,
    The innuendo too obscure to be understood,
    The lengthy epigram.

    I am the etc., what's next?

    nothing maybe…

    A paradox, a pseudonym,
    A synonym for mistake.
    A coffee stain,
    A curled corner that refuses to straighten.
    I am the ink that bleeds through,
    or the ink that fades
                                             at
                                                              mid-page

    Find… me… between… words,
    the s p a c e s, the gaps , the emptiness.
    I am a fold,
    Unfold,
    And folded again.

    The pause

    after a period.
    The exasperated gasp-
    After a run on sentence,
    Crumble me and watch
    Crease veins stretch over me.

    I am the passage written when you were blue.
    Come back to me and wonder,
    "How could I have written this?"

    T/e/a/r and rip me!
    I will flutter in pieces somewhere sad,
    Because I am the message that is forgotten.

    Read

    between

    the

    lines.









    Submitted on 2006-04-21 19:37:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is quite ingenious...

    the language well-played---the pause after the period...the forgotten silent letter...

    but if you read between the lines...i am more important than you think...and i will be remembered...

    maybe by that semi-colon...

    :)

    can't suggest changes..i like this as is...

    definitely my amusement for the day!

    thank you...now i shall go teach my English composition class with a slight smile.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-03-31 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Your a damn good writer Sindy!!! I am suprized I have never seen you on here before??? This was really good and it made me laugh. Thanks for sharring.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2007-03-31 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi,

    Great write, going to a favorites, makes you think, liked the idea behind it, so what are you then?, the space, the blankness of purpose, or the energy behind the write or the actual words or meaning.

    Kind regards
    Eric
    | Posted on 2007-02-24 00:00:00 | by bornx2000 | [ Reply to This ]
       I LOVE THIS!!! I truly love this, it's the most thoughtful thing that I have ever read! It's so deep, and you gave life to the things that most people don't understand have life. WORDS, PUNCTUATION!! I truly, honestly, completely love this. Definitely adding it to my favorites.
    Blessings,
    ~Azura*
    | Posted on 2007-01-31 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      this is great! i'm glad i stumbled upon it this evening.. i love all your descriptions. all i can say is, wow, this is me!

    this is going in my faves. very unique and thought-provoking. wonderful work.

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2007-01-18 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow!! excellent job on this. It has so much feeling and it is taken into a new view. I love how you used writing to display your feelings. I was also impressed with how many usages you could find inwritting to convey your meaning. This was amazing i initialy thought this was going to be just some normal type of writting fromthe title and was caught off gaurd at how well you used the english language, well written languge to convey meaning in a new way. Great work on this!
    | Posted on 2006-12-22 00:00:00 | by FLHgg | [ Reply to This ]
      This could be a poem about my life. I usually feel like the " 'f' in phenomenon" myself. This is definately going in my favorites.

    Kyle
    | Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by owlman23 | [ Reply to This ]
      Sindy, What a joy to see your poem displayed for the world wide web to read and appreciate. Ever since you first read it to me in your apartment i have fallen in love with its eloquence and superb craft! I love this poem and would love to have a framed copy hanging in my office one day!
    Love Ya
    ~Alexander
    | Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by Alexander Blue | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I won't be able to tell you something that others havent said allready,
    I, too, love how you played with punctuation, spaces.. etc.
    Like the action that goes with the words.
    I must say t that I think jetstream candy had a nice idea with pause, and I see you didn't change it, which I think is a pity..
    Though I'd make the pause differently, like

    The pause after a period.

    The exasperated gasp-
    etc...

    maybe just some space behind pause, and a blank line before the next, after period.

    I really think this is a creative write,
    though writing things like these prove you are more than a silent 'k' or just something in between the lines.
    And the picture you attached with this poem.. that was definately a good choice,
    of course with these lines

    A coffee stain,
    A curled corner that refuses to straighten.

    I enjoyed reading this,

    Janneke
    | Posted on 2006-05-30 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
      I admire the big arm movements of this piece. It felt like you were smashing through reality just so you could feel like you are alive. And to be able to convey that takes tremedous skill in inflating details.

    In this world, almost everyone screams. And it is torturous to try and stand out by screaming so some people ride on their cars and toot their horns while others get packs of electric tape and silences the people around them.

    Human beings are so small. And to tap into that is an act which I think is both healthy and fruitful.

    I also love the fact that you chose to speak in volumes... stretching words for emphasis, echoing silence for a faint moment of reservation and ultimately knowing how the word should feel like and paying homage to that thought.

    This is definately a loud piece... but I like the fact that it is not a noisy one.

    Good job.

    (and please don't tell me you feel honored... because I do. )

    | Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      This is different and I like it plenty. A great play with words, sounds, punctuation, space. You got to have talent to write like this as well as a really good grip on the language. Makes me jealous I didn't write it.
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by feather | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, now do you know the Atlantis Morisette song where she is singing in the car and she is all of the girls ya know--well that was her way of telling everyone I am cool with me and it doesn't really matter what ya think---I see you here sorta telling---no not telling but yelling at the world that everything is ok...this is trully one of the best pieces I have read on es. I actually sat back and starred at it for a while to see what visually and literally you were going for. I do like the format,, maybe not the first stanza but it;'s ok and in the part where you say "I am the ink that bleeds through
    or "the" ink that fades--as you see I think another "the" works better in there but wow I am amazed at the depth in this..I really could go on but that isn't me. You are a gifted person-I think I'm adding it to my favs which isn't too often-bye4now
    lamemansterms
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      There are few poems that take my breath away. This is one of them.

    I know you asked for advice, and I thought of another form trick you might like to employ.

    I am a torn page from a spiral notebook;
       )
    [Jagged edges
       )
    [And sloppy.
       )

    (Jagged edges and sloppy punctuation. Just a thought.)

    Mostly I just wanted to say, "I love it!" I'm taking it to my site, and telling everyone to read it!

    Thanks for this wonderful piece!

    Chell
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      "I am the silent "k" in known
    And the "f" in phenomenon;
    A swift erasure, lost forever,
    Question mark me?
    I am the implied,
    The innuendo too obscure to be understood,
    The lengthy epigram."

    Although Phil seems to think this involves the darkness implicit in low self-esteem (and there is certainly good reason in several places to believe so), there is also the tacit analogy to language and literature, to subconcious and obvious meaning that can be mined from what the writer 'intends' the audience to see; the sleight-of-hand inherent in the magician's trick.

    There is tremendous skill and confident execution in this write; formatting, wordplay and theme are delicately synchronized. I'd love to come up with a nitpick here, but I can't.

    Very nicely done, SS.
    Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really cool! damn clever of you i have to say! i love the way you've played with your phrasing... and all your examples of punctuation and literary devices you made your own.

    one suggestion that i think would be cool:
    The pause
    after a period.
    break this part up after the word "pause" into two lines... make it pause, you know?

    that's all i can really offer on what is an exceptionally brilliant piece! i love stuff like this... i wish i'd written it hahaha!
    ~patchouli

    p.s. you have very neat writing. my journal looks like a mess :)
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by jetstream_candy | [ Reply to This ]
      This is incredible. I've never read anything like this before.

    I agree completely with everything that Phil said. To be kind of a dark subject, it's not brooding or morbid. The structure works perfectly WITH the poem. I honestly don't know what more I can say. From the first to last line, this was very well written. I didn't see any unintentional errors, so kudos for that. I think that this is fine as a final draft. Definitely a favorite. ...bb...

    XoXo
    ~Tayla~
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      First, this is brilliantly written. It is cleverly constructed, using puctuation, phonics, semantics and other means to express self-deprecation to the extreme, attaching no value to an existence, portraying one's persona as a blank, a space, nothing. Surely, such a dark subject would come across as distasteful or morbid, but not so here, the symbolic play holds the reader's interest, and amuses, taking the edge off of a scary self-image. I truly enjoyed this poem. Am I the sadist for enjoying what appears to be another's pain. No. that was the intent of the poem and I reacted to it. As I said it is very clever in its construction. It pulls in the reader, and we fall along waiting to se the next wordplay, the next symbol transposed, the next unanswered question. At poem end we "read between the lines" and do not feel foolish doing so. Terrific poem.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      how utterly celetial, how brilliant, how moving is this, your poem. as i was reading this wonderful work i felt a paradox vehemently beating in my chest. i did certainly read between the lines and i love what i see. i saw a champion, a warrior, a goddess just waiting to be unleased on the under world that is a notebook. ruling and loving with every stroke of the quill. she will conquer and reign, not unnoticed, but celebrated. this to me is a master piece. how amazingly clever you are in this torrent. truly an exquisite write. i celebrate you this evening my love.
    ~john-paul
    | Posted on 2006-06-06 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      beautifully written, I feel as if I am just muttering the same words as all those who commented before me. But, when you write something wonderful - you can never get enough comments. I hope you know how talent you are...
    you have taken such a underused subject and made it come alive.

    Your rich wording was placed into a very creative form, I like how you broke away from even lines and common, conversational words.. it really payed off.

    This poem deserves all the fav. I am sure it has gathered, and I am about to make it one more. This is honestly one of the best, all around pieces I have read on this site.
    Take care
    ~jenn
    | Posted on 2006-06-10 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think what needs to be said as already been said. Let it be enough that I fav this wonderful piece.

    Keep up the great and creative work
    This was definitely a worthwhile read

    Be happy

    Jason
    | Posted on 2006-06-14 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      I like everything about this. honestly. it is so interesting. visually and when read. I'm not even sure what to say there are so many elements to comment on. I just know that I felt every part of this and enjoyed the creative way you wrote it. I particularly like the silent K and spoken F, and this stanza, as well: "
    Find… me… between… words,
    the s p a c e s, the gaps , the emptiness.
    I am a fold,
    Unfold,
    And folded again."

    good stuff. wow
    Jessica
    | Posted on 2006-06-13 00:00:00 | by parabola | [ Reply to This ]
      you've done a good job with this.
    i love how unique this is and how you've incorporated symbols and punctuatio etc.
    I really can noot find anything i would change about this; you've got a strong beginning, a strong ending, and everything in between is great also. sorry i cant offer a better critique.
    how do i add this to my favourites?
    happy writing.
    | Posted on 2006-06-30 00:00:00 | by whirlwindy | [ Reply to This ]
      Fantastic write! I will be adding this to my fav's list also! This was done in a very creative manner and there is not a whole lot that I can say that hasn't already been said. So I'll just say that you did a GREAT job!

    Candi
    | Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      This is going straight into my favorites.. I love it,, I can't even pick a favorite line...
    the only line that i am not too sure of is
    A swift erasure, lost forever
    | Posted on 2006-06-07 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]


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