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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Beautiful Madnessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nebnim
    ASL Info:    21 - Female - My Room
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 284/405/75
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1027
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 824



    Description:
       I suppose to some this may sound petty...something based off of sex. Ah, but you should have been there. This is our kind of love.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Beautiful Madnessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    His body is not chiseled marble
    He is not graceful as a Greek God
    He doesn't whisper sweet nothings
    When we make love

    we don't make love
    But...

    His body moves to my rhythm
    Without hesitation, without flaw
    In his eyes, I behold the power of Zeus
    Daring me to defy; a luxury I rarely entertain

    When he wraps his arms around me
    Stares into my eyes with such raw emotion
    I feel my core twitch
    Craving him and then
    Plunges
    Slow...slow...hard and fast and needing
    I fall in love with each thrust

    When he holds me afterwards
    And say's he loves me more than air
    I fall asleep in his arms
    Knowing that life couldn't get any better




    Submitted on 2006-04-21 19:55:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a well written and passionate poem. You capture this feeling very well with your words. This experience the two of you share is a wonderful one. This feeling can only be expressed with raw emotion and desire and to capture it in writing is wonderful. I love passion poems and my only suggestion would be to classify this one as passion. I mean, yeah it is love, but the passion speaks the loudest throughout this poem. Really an insignificant point I know, but it is all I can offer you in the form of criticism. Otherwise this is very good. Nice poem. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, you did something I haven't seen often, if at all. You wrote a love poem about sex. That in itself is quite a feat.

    I love how you start off stating what he is not and does not do. Then you go into this description of your union, or merging, without being overly explicit. The end result is sensual and classy as opposed to being unnecessarily trashy.

    I think that anyone who has had this type of experience will read this and reminisce, and maybe call up their honey so they can do it again. ;-) Just a thought. Good job. ...bb...

    XoXo
    ~Tayla~
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      A "Beautiful Madness" indeed; we should all go crazy. Trying to capture the ecstacy of love's fulfillment is difficult if not impossible, for it is so personal. Intimacy is shared by two, and is incomprehensible to the rest of the masses, only the lovers fully understand. So this poem is truly on that personal level, making it difficult to critque, and who would want to change it? You wrote it the way it felt best and it should stay that way. No changes. Just one spelling, "luxury". Otherwise, we as readers could feel the warmth of your shared love, the rising passion, and the tender moments of afterglow. It is brave of you to share this with the world. We envy your love and closeness.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      Lovemaking is such an art, and writing about it is a seperate art form.

    You've done the difficult trick of combining the physical with the emotional and coming up with a love story.

    A neat trick indeed...I'm proud of you

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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