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Winter Complaint Analysis

Author: poem of Ogden Nash Type: poem Views: 8

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Now when I have a cold

I am careful with my cold,

I consult a physician

And I do as I am told.

I muffle up my torso

In woolly woolly garb,

And I quaff great flagons

Of sodium bicarb.

I munch on aspirin,

I lunch on water,

And I wouldn't dream of osculating

Anybody's daughter,

And to anybody's son

I wouldn't say howdy,

For I am a sufferer

Magna cum laude.

I don't like germs,

But I'll keep the germs I've got.

Will I take a chance of spreading them?

Definitely not.

I sneeze out the window

And I cough up the flue,

And I live like a hermit

Till the germs get through.

And because I'm considerate,

Because I'm wary,

I am treated by my friends

Like Typhoid Mary.

Now when you have a cold

You are careless with your cold,

You are cocky as a gangster

Who has just been paroled.

You ignore your physician,

You eat steaks and oxtails,

You stuff yourself with starches,

You drink lots of cocktails,

And you claim that gargling

Is a time of waste,

And you won't take soda

For you don't like the taste,

And you prowl around parties

Full of selfish bliss,

And greet your hostess

With a genial kiss.

You convert yourself

Into a deadly missle,

You exhale Hello's

Like a steamboat wistle.

You sneeze in the subway

And you cough at dances,

And let everybody else

Take their own good chances.

You're a bronchial boor,

A bacterial blighter,

And you get more invitations

Than a gossip writer.

Yes, your throat is froggy,

And your eyes are swimmy,

And you hand is clammy,

And you nose is brimmy,

But you woo my girls

And their hearts you jimmy

While I sit here

With the cold you gimmy.


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