You Asked How (formerly Even Now She Is Turning, Saying Everything I Always Wanted Her to Say) Analysis

At the end there were straws

in her glove compartment, I'd split them open

to taste the familiar bitter residue, near the end

I ate all her Percodans, hungry to know

how far they could take me.

A bottle of red wine each night moved her along

as she wrote, I feel too much, again and again.



You asked how and I said, Suicide, and you asked

how and I said, An overdose, and then

she shot herself, and your eyes filled

with wonder, so I added, In the chest, so you

     wouldn't think

her face was gone, and it mattered, somehow,

that you knew this. . .



Every year I'm eight years old and the world

is no longer safe. Our phone becomes unlisted, our mail

is kept in a box at the post office,

and my mother tells me always

leave a light on so it seems

someone is home. She finds a cop

for her next boyfriend, his hair

greasy, pushed back with his fingers. He lets me play

with his service revolver while they kiss

on the couch. Cars slowly fill the windows, and I aim,

making the noise with my mouth, in case it's them,

and when his back is hunched over her I aim

between his shoulder blades, silently,

in case it's him.

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